Stuttering Subreddit Round 2 w/ Cynthia Chin

Transcript

Maya Chupkov:

I’m Maya Chupkov, and I'm a woman who stutters. Welcome to Proud Stutter a show about stuttering and embracing verbal diversity in an effort to change how we talk about it, one conversation at a time.

Hello. Hello. Hello, welcome back to Proud stutter today. I am so excited to welcome back season 1 co-host Cynthia chin for this very special episode as we go through the stuttering subreddit round two Cynthia. Welcome back to Proud stutter.

Cynthia Chin:

I'm so so excited to have you back. Yeah. Hey, thanks for having me. I'm super excited to be on the podcast again.

Maya:

Thanks for joining us. Yeah, so how's life been since you have left the podcasting world?

Cynthia:

You know, it's it's been I feel like my evenings are missing something. We used to record in the evenings after work. So so I'm super excited to be a guest on today's show.

Maya:

Yes, and we're doing the Reddit episode part 2 because I was such a fan favorite so we are back and going through the stuttering subreddit, which is such a grade space for the starting Community to come together and before we get into it, so Cynthia was with me in Vegas a few weeks ago celebrating proud stutters and be award nomination super fun while we didn't win the prize. I'm still so excited that we're nominated and I think it's gonna really give the starting Community a lot of exposure and yeah, thank you all out there for supporting and listening It's really because of you that I'm able to celebrate this nomination

Cynthia:

and I have to admit the word ceremony was pretty cool. It was that we see any famous people you saw Lance Bass.

Maya:

Oh, yeah. I saw Lance Bass. But other than that all of the famous people were not there. They had more important things to do.

Cynthia:

Yeah. I thought I was gonna meet Cole Sprouse because one of his podcasts won. But yeah, it was really cool to see proud stutter on the big screen and to see your nomination Maya. Thank you so much for inviting me and it was super fun. And I'm so proud of you for getting nominated in the first place for the best DIY podcast, and we're I just feel like it come so far. So we're excited.

Maya:

Yes, and I couldn't have done it without you helping me from the start. So so excited we were able to celebrate. All right. So just should we get to the stuttering subreddit?

Cynthia:

Yeah. Yes. Reddit is my favorite place in the world. Okay, always find the most interesting stories on Reddit. I swear if you don't use it and you're doing anything like what we're doing Reddit is a gold mine for stories real stories so I can meet the first one hopping straight into our first post we have. This one who was posted by Dan 8808 called first college presentation and he says hello. I have my first college presentation coming up in three weeks. I have plenty of time to prepare but I wanted to ask ale for some tips presentations in high school were a regular for me because sometimes I would stutter and sometimes I would not this is why I'm fairly nervous about my presentation. Let's hope your tips can help me. Thank you.

Maya:

Yes. I remember when I first got to college and we had to do. not even presentations but when we we were in like smaller classrooms because since Cynthia and I both went to UC Santa Barbara and a lot of those classes were like huge but then we'd have these like smaller 20 person groups and the worst thing was rotating leading a classroom session on a topic that you have to pick and so I totally feel for Dan in this moment because that was always something that I'd either try to get out of or I make up an excuse anything to avoid presenting in front of the class and sometimes my participation would even suffer because I just would rather have a low participation grade then to be speaking out in class and really yeah. Yeah. I know it have come a long way but my tip for for would be to just be up front with your professor if you feel comfortable. There is an ADA requirement for each syllabus to have like an ADA statement. And so like they're it's legal like professors are legally obligated to make accommodations for people with disabilities and there's still that debate that you know, stuttering might not legally be considered a disability of blah blah, but I still think that speaking with your professor and just letting them know that you do have a stutter could help lighten the pressure a lot.

Cynthia:

I'm really liking the variety in these in the comments section. So we have someone who is super sweet and says it's okay to stutter. Even if you do you got this. Some people are posting links to conversations that have happened in the past. And then there's this one guy who says another tip that others in the sub may not agree with but I've found to help me a lot during stressful presentations is to take a shot or two of alcohol before it's your turn to present. Have you ever done that Maya?

Maya:

No, and I probably wouldn't I mean I don't know everyone's different but I mean, yeah, it might work for some of people but I I don't want to like recommend that because it's like I don't know you it might not be the most appropriate thing to take a shot before class. But I mean, it's college. So who knows maybe yeah

Cynthia:

And plus the downside that this person also wrote about is that you may slur your speech could cause you to forget some of your lines and if you build up a tolerance you can easily handle one or two shots. Yeah. I don't know if that the best, you know advice but it works for this guy. Yeah. I really like how supportive a lot of people are and then another person said looking at your video will help you see your secondary behaviors and nervous behaviors. So having someone film you while you're venting is another tip that was offered in this post.

Maya:

I myself hate seeing myself via video. It just like makes me more self-conscious.

Cynthia:

Yeah, I was gonna say that that doesn't seem like it would necessarily make you feel more comfortable.

Maya:

Yeah, but I mean if you are like stuttering is such an individual experience. So if you are self-conscious about your secondary behaviors, and maybe that can be helpful and you can you know, just be aware that you're doing it. Like for for me I use my hands a lot. When I talk and sometimes it's not the most appropriate thing to use my hand. So just being conscious that I do that is sometimes helpful. But yeah filming myself. I just I feel like I would feel even more nervous.

Cynthia:

So well Dan 8808 good luck on your presentation and the proud stutter girls are rooting for you. Yes, we are. Let us know if you if you can. If you're listening, all right, should we go to our next one? Yes. Okay, so

Maya:

Going down the subreddit. This post is from known underscore commission five three three. And it's called quiet type. Does it urk you sometimes when people refer to you as the quiet reserved and introverted type sometimes I say within me that can you please shut it? I'm this way because I can barely blurt out a coherent sentence without running out of breath. Well. And it's really weird that because I was literally running out of breath and it but yeah, I really feel for this person because I was labeled as quiet reserved and introverted my like all throughout grade school because I just wouldn't talk a lot because of my stutter and I hated when people labeled me that way because I'm so I love talking. And so I just really always felt Miss. I identified growing up.

Cynthia:

Yeah people often associate shyness with how often you talk but I don't think that's true either. I think there are a lot of people who get out there and they may not talk all the time. But that doesn't make them shy and I think it really it sucks that this person is being perceived as quiet or shy because they may feel like they're held back by their stutter, but I see a lot of agreement in the comments. A lot of people are saying the same thing that they are also seen as the quiet type.

Maya:

Yeah and Cynthia. I'm wondering if you ever feel like you're mislabel, I mean everyone knows you you don't have a stutter, but I'm wondering if you can also see yourself in this person in a different way.

Cynthia:

Yeah, definitely. I think it's all about comfort and spaces right because this person if they're not quiet their family members are not going to think they're quiet, you know, but if they're in a new space where they don't feel comfortable where they feel vulnerable stuttering than they may be perceived that way I definitely felt that way in college. Where in my in my art classes a lot of my because I I studied art and I had never really done it before so I kind of just I kind of just jumped into the deep end and decided to study art and in a lot of my classes I didn't really talk a lot because I didn't have a lot of confidence in my art abilities or even really I didn't really feel like I had a lot to say and so a lot of my a lot of my classmates also thought I was really shy which is obviously not the case. But yeah, I definitely relate to what this Reddit user is saying, I really do think it's about comfort and of course if you have a stutter and you're you know, you haven't maybe come to terms with it people may perceive you as being quiet and then that that changes how people communicate with you right? Some people might feel like oh, well, I don't have an interest in talking to this person because they're shy and then people like, oh, no wait. I'm not shy, you know,

Maya:

yeah, and another thing that I just I associate with this user's comment is not only have I been misidentified as quiet reserved and introverted and I'm not saying any of those things are bad. Like I actually do consider myself introverted. but it's just the fact that that's not how I see myself. That's the issue and that's the part that gets it to me. But another thing I've been mislabeled as is intimidating because or stuck up because maybe I choose not to speak with someone because of my stutter but someone can interpret that as oh she thinks she's too cool to speak with me or you know, she's not taking the time to get it to know me and so that is almost a worse feeling because I am one of the most friendly people or at least to me I am and That's actually happened to me. More times than now that I reflect on it that's happened a lot where people go come after me after they've gone to know me and they'd be like, oh I was so intimidated by you.

Cynthia:

Yeah, it's really hard to control how you're seen by other people like I would feel like you know with us being 30 years old. We would have had a dialed down but I definitely don't feel that way.

Maya:

Yeah. Yeah, and now I don't really care as much because it's like whatever someone's gonna see me some way like you liked too short.

I wanted to take a quick moment to talk about proud stutters upcoming events both virtual. And in person. Our first of coming event is happening virtually via Zoom. It's a stuttering advocacy workshop. And that's a Monday March 27th at 6pm Pacific time that is going to be in partnership with other stuttering Advocates from across the globe and will be offering some skills case studies and tactics for building advocacy in your own Community all people who stutter and non-starters allies. Everyone's welcome. You can really use a lot of these tools for a wide variety of issues. The second event I wanted to lift up is an in-person event happening right here in the Bay Area at KQED headquarters, I am doing a workshop for the podcasting Community. Everyone's invited. I do have a discount code so you can get in there for free. And yeah, it's just a chance to hang out with me and other podcasters in the Bay Area and also to hang out at kqd headquarters, which is super cool venue. You can find all of this www.proudster.com/events and we hope to see you at those events last thing. I just want to take some time to thank all the monthly supporters of proud stutter Josh Compton, Dustin Wells Wayne Engagreston Jerry Slaff and Martha Horrocks and Ingo Helbig. Thank you all so much for being monthly members. If you want to hear your name on the show as well and support proud stutter. Please go to proudstutter.com/donate. Thank you so much.

Let's go to the next one.

Cynthia:

Yeah, I I like this one. It's actually posted by the same person known commission. 533 And the title of this post is clinging on to a relationships. Oh, I'm sorry known commission 53 30. It sounds like you're going through a little bit of a rough time. So I hope you're okay. But they are asking on this thread as a person. Who stutters. Do you find yourself holding on to failing relationships? Because you fear it will take you forever to find another one. This really reminds me of when we were talking about dating on one of our episodes in season 1 Maya that when you started dating Kyle one of the things that you really liked about him was that he didn't really bat an eye when you were stuttering and he just patiently waited for you to finish your sentence the fact that that was so important to you in the beginning it kind of meant that maybe you weren't really experiencing that with other men that you dated in the past so I can totally understand why this person is is fearful of dating.

Maya:

Yeah. I I definitely felt like this when I was in college and every time I would get into a relationship with someone I would always clean to them because I would I would be really afraid. To lose them and even when I was in like a pretty serious relationship, I always knew that this wasn't going to be long-term. and I I kind of just viewed it as like this is part of the college experience is like is having a serious relationship. And so when when things started to get more serious over time. I didn't want to lose that person because I I didn't think I'd ever find someone so accepting of my stutter. I mean I've been Lucky in that like I've had pretty like strong relationships as far as like no one's really ever been mean to me about my stutter while in relationship, but I just always I really felt that it would be really hard to date with a stutter. And so every time I did find that person that was accepting of it. I thought they would be the only one and I would never find anyone like them again. I was definitely very insecure and even while dating Kyle like like I still felt insecure not really about my stutter but just in general I was 22, that's like a baby. So I've definitely come more become more comfortable in my skin. but dating in general is just so hard and we all have things we have to deal with including stuttering for a lot of us, but even outside of that. It's just really tough out there.

Cynthia:

Yeah, and I I see that in the comments a lot of people have agreed with the poster as well that they're holding on to these failing relationships because of fear like anything else like even if you don't have a stutter when you're going on the date, you're hyper-conscious of how you're coming across and you might think like, oh does he like me? Oh, maybe I shouldn't have done this because guys don't really like this or you know, people don't really like this and I think we can get really really caught up and if you have a stutter even if you haven't had a negative experience with someone that you're dating I can understand why that can be so daunting. like the possibility putting yourself in front of the possibility of possibly getting made fun of like over and over and over again, you know when you're searching for a new partner that fear is is definitely something that even now that I'm thinking about it.

Maya:

I just I am really remembering that feeling of being fearful of not finding another person like the the one I was with so moving on. Yeah, let's move on. Okay.

Cynthia:

Okay. So Maya are we are we allowed to swear or not?

Maya:

Swear? Just because if we do swear I have to Market as explicit and this and a lot of kids do oh and I think I mean I'm I I don't want to say a lot of kids list because I don't know but I think some parents might want to share this with their kids. Okay. But yeah this I think we're looking at the same one. I yeah, this one does have a swear word in it, but I will not I'll say a different word.

Cynthia:

But this one is from Michigan man, seven, six seven six and it reads you get no. S in respect at all when he's stutter. and it reads the moment you stutter the person you are talking to looks at you like a freak it is so kind of just condensing. Yeah, it's keeping condensate people that treat me, okay. People that treat me like a special needs child. I remember in high school girls would intentionally go up to me and talk to me just to be nice to the weird kid that stutters. I feel less of a man when people don't show me respect when I stutter. I'm often just in the background in a conversation and anything I say is disregarded.

Maya:

oh, man, I I feel I totally have felt this way. I really feel for this guy. Yeah, I remember being called weird a lot and I always and that word freak. It's so it brings back so much emotion. He's that word is such a strong word and it's so like it just makes me want to cry honestly like Is I remember when I used to think of myself that way? and And I I remember when I wouldn't feel that way. I would always be like, please I just never want to feel that way again, you know, I was always trying to like Escape that feeling as much as possible because it just like made me want to just curl up and never get out of bed. And the fact that he also said he feels less of a man. like masculinity and stuttering is a very connected thing. I think what I've heard before from Men Who stutters like there is this like masculinity of like do I feel man enough with the stutter and stuff like that? And so yeah. Oh gosh that this one just makes I yeah, it's it's a heavy one.

Cynthia:

Yeah, but I think the masculinity thing is is really real just from like what I've seen if you if you watch like a 90s movie. any 90s teen rom-com it's like the bully the guy who like initially gets the girl but doesn't end up with the girl because he's not the good guy. All those guys are are in a way hyper-masculine and they always are able to like be really witty and speak very quickly and to you know, put you down as soon as you say something and I think that was kind of like the 90s image of masculinity. And so I totally understand why he feels white Michigan man. It's 76 76 feels less of a man if that is what the media is saying a man is so I really feel for this guy and this thread has a hundred and Seventeen comments of people basically saying I totally feel you and saying it sucks. But you know, but we're gonna be okay one comment that I do want to lift up because it kind of feeds in to like masculinity theme, especially how obsessed Society is with how we look one one person did say this is why I worked out like crazy in my late teens and early 20s. I'm a well-built guy and I put an effort into how I dress and look so people can't notice me or be did disrespectful to my face, but but yeah, I totally get what you mean. I remember in high school and yeah, he's like balancing his mask trying to balance his masculinity.

Maya:

Yeah, and I remember a feeling in high school, which is horrible of like, okay, as long as I have as long as I look good at least I'll have that going for me. and that's like such a horrible mindset to have like to overcompensate in in other ways to like further hide. This other part of you and the fact that were meant to like care so much of our appearance. It's just oh man. Yeah. I just sometimes I just wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self like it's gonna be okay like you don't have to You don't have to obsess over how you look. Yeah, and I think it's

Cynthia:

it's a real problem for kids today specifically with social media and them kind of seeing these like fake images of people online with filters. This one has so many comments. Like I think this struck a chord with a lot of people so I I really hope Michigan man does not feel alone. And he feels the support of the starting Community as as he's navigating this. Well, you know that we're gonna end on something fun.

So for our last Reddit thread, we have a redditor. named decorative dek r t i v and he asks about funny moments. So he says I tend to find humor in dealing with my lifelong stutter keeps me keeps me from the pit of despair. What's the funniest thing that happened to you when stuttering I'll start I was at church and the stranger asked me were the bathroom was I close my eyes and contort my face when I'm in a deep block. I never got any words out when I opened my eyes. The guy was gone. Oh, no.

Maya:

Oh man, that's sucks. Oh my gosh. I'm trying to remember if this is ever happened to me, but I I don't think it has

Cynthia:

I've definitely seen you close your eyes, which I didn't explicitly notice until right now.

Maya:

Oh my gosh. Yeah, like it it never I never thought about it. But now that he's like specifically saying or sorry now that they're specifically saying they close their eyes and contort their face when they're in a block. Yeah. It makes a lot of sense. I wonder if this is a common thing. Yeah. No, you know what now that Now that you've mentioned it I've talked about it. I yeah, I I definitely do close my eyes when I'm experiencing a block. But I just I can't imagine like closing my eyes for that long of time. And then I open my eyes first. It's gone like that person must be wanting to just dip out of there like, oh man.

Cynthia:

I think sometimes also though like if you didn't say anything or stutter or you know verbally stutter sometimes people just don't know what's happening. Like imagine if he didn't realize that this person stuttered and then they just close their eyes. They must have been so confused. Yeah.

Maya:

No, that's very true. Yeah, and that just goes to show how it's like a lot of people who experience stuttering for the first time they just They have no idea how to react or respond. So hopefully that will happen less and less as more people stutter openly.

Cynthia:

So there are a bunch of stories in the comments and I really like this one

Maya:

before we get into it to that. So, okay classic. Classic The Disappearing person was always devastating like this happened all the time person. Oh my God. Oh my gosh, that's more common than I think

Cynthia:

yeah, I'm sure because I think we all kind of like close our eyes or you know, none stuttering people. Anyway when for me when I'm trying to think I typically look up and to me that's that's kind of like a that's kind of like closing your eyes. It's like looking in a direction where there is nothing. Yeah focus on it makes sense to me.

I really like this one. So this person says once I used a payphone years ago when my friend answered the phone, I stuttered so bad and got no words out the time I ran out on the said Payphone and it had to put more money in than the same thing happened again. So I gave up.

Maya:

I feel like that that's more sad than funny.

Cynthia:

Well, yeah, I mean it's a waste of money also. Yeah, but also funny.

Maya:

Well, at least we don't have to deal with pay phones anymore.

Cynthia:

Yeah, but then people just hang up on you.

Maya:

Oh, yeah, that's true.

Cynthia:

I feel like we hang up on people a lot after now because no one's paying for it like explicitly that call.

Maya:

Yeah. No, I've definitely had like I've been having to go on Southwest a lot because I've been having to change but the a bunch of flights lately. And yeah, I've gone hung up on by Southwest people. Several times so oh that's annoying. Huh? Just a day in the life, you know. Okay, let's look at some other ones.

Cynthia:

Okay, let's look at this one. I think the funniest joke. Someone has ever made out of my starter was one time was talking to someone in school was asking them a question. I tried to say something like are you going to English or something? I end up getting caught and Dragged out of the R so it sounded like our and the guy replies. Are you a pirate? I'll explain that should be in like a stuttering pun book or something. Yeah, I hope that person was a friend, too. If they were friends and had an understanding, I think that would be hilarious.

Maya:

Yeah, I mean it's not like funny like in a mean way but just like I don't know like yeah, I'm hoping it was like yeah, it was a friend that said it for sure and not mean it mean spirited it and it's it's really hard to like make fun of stuttering because I feel like stuttering me to fun of enough. But if you're the one making fun of it and you started it's not okay. So I hope no one's being offended when listening to this. We're just They seem okay. I think they're okay.

Cynthia:

They're posting. Well, that was fun. I felt like very Like if it felt like I was like back in time and we were just doing season one again. Yeah, the Reddit episodes are fun. Yeah and like there's a subreddit for everyone.

Maya:

Are there any other subreddits that you follow Cynthia?

Cynthia:

I don't I use a very ad hoc. If I'm looking for something super super specific. Yeah, I'll use Reddit.

Maya:

All right. Well, I am on Reddit for all you read it nerds out there.

I so whenever I'm watching a TV show I always follow that shows subreddit because I can kind of like follow along with other people. So that's really fun. Although sometimes they can spoil things. So you have to be careful. Oh, I'm also on like a wedding planning subreddit because I'm wetting planning and that's a very sad place like people have horrible stories and almost like oh my God, I feel so lucky. Because people really are going through a lot of drama during this wedding planning stuff which like I should have. like of course like that happens, but like I'm like, yeah, it's it's a sad it's a sad place every once in a while. I find something helpful. On there, but it's really just more to depressing and I also follow the pop culture chat.

Subreddit, they have like pop culture news on there. And don't judge me, but I do also Follow The Bachelor who's separate? nice don't yeah, and then the last one I will say is I also follow the Hawaii subreddit because I am planning a trip to Hawaii. So They always have good wrecks on there as well.

Cynthia:

Wait, Maya. Do you not follow the stutter subreddit?

Maya:

Well, yeah, obviously I do, but we already talked about that.

Cynthia:

Well, if you're not on the stutter subreddit, I highly recommend there's a lot of really funny stories and a lot of really sweet ones as well.

Maya:

Yes, and thank you all so much for listening Cynthia. Thanks so much for joining us. Again. We definitely will have to have you back. Thank you for having me back.

And that's it for this episode of proud stutter. This episode of proud stutter was produced and edited by me Maya chupkov. Our music was composed by Augusto Denise and our artwork by Mara Ezekiel and Noah chukov.

If you have an idea or want to be part of a future episode visit us at www.proudstutter.com, and if you like the show, you can leave us a review wherever you are listening to this podcast want to leave us a voicemail check out our show notes for the number to call in more importantly tell your friends to listen to until we meet again. Thanks for listening be proud and be you.