Sneak preview of Proud Stutter’s comic book, stuttering in a foreign country, & more!

Transcript

Maya Chupkov:

Proud stutter is trying to raise money to fund a multimedia limited series on stuttering. We know not everyone can make it to our Gala in San Francisco on December 7th where all proceeds will go to this storytelling project, but you can still help support our fundraising campaign by making a donation online. The Prouds that are fundraiser has a goal to raise $10,000 by December 7 why 10,000? Well the grant we got from California humanities has a requirement that we need to match the $30,000. They gave us for the documentary. That's where you've come in. We are asking you our listeners to help us meet our goal so we can destigmatize stuttering through this rich and nuanced storytelling project make a donation today by going to Proud studer.com/donate or clicking the link in our show notes. Thank you so much. One more thing proud stutter has been nominated for two more Awards the international women's podcast awards has shortlisted proud stutter for two categories moment of Comedy gold and moment of touching honesty. This is an amazing honor and we can't wait to hear about the results in a couple weeks. Okay. Now let's get to the show.

I'm Maya chupkov and I'm a woman who stutters welcome to Proud stutter a Show about stuttering and embracing verbal diversity in an effort to change how we talk about it one conversation at a time.

Joining me today for a bonus episode of proud stutter is Julian Benavides. I met Julian at booksmith in San Francisco. Last year booksmith is a local independent bookstore on Haight Street, and it just so happens. We're neighbors. Julian is a world traveler and a teacher who stutters Julian. I'm so curious to ask you. What was it like going to that event. I know it was your first time being around other people who stuttered.

Julian Benabides:

Yeah. So a friend of mine told me about that event. I think it was you had put it up on some website like meetup.com or something. I don't know and I didn't really know what to expect because I've never heard I'd never heard of proud Sutter before and it was it was wonderful. It was the first time I'd ever seen people who stutter up on a like a panel and it was the first time I'd ever interacted with people like me who stutter and it was a very emotional experience just because I sort of for like most of my life I had felt like alone or isolated because no one else no one else around me stuttered and all of a sudden it's just like, oh my God, there's other people like me and it was a very strange beautiful experience for me because it was like, these people are not ashamed of the way they talk and it was just very it was a very reaffirming experience for me.

And yeah, I was a very very emotional and very positive experience.

Maya:

Yeah, I remember one of the questions. I always like to ask at events is who is there who like who in the audience is their first time? Being around other people who stutter and I remember you raise your hand and I think you might have even spoke up if I remember correctly.

Julian:

I did. Yeah, I think I think I was one of the first people to ask a question.

Maya":

Yes. Yeah. I remember that

Julian:

and the the bar owner whose name I forget. He he gave a really good response and it was it was it was a very positive experience to be able to ask My question to them.

Maya:

Yeah, I know I I love that event so much and the booksmith. The owner actually was on the podcast earlier this season with one of the panelists Dustin Wells who like I said is immunity driver and and Julian maybe you'll be on the next booksmith panel around stuttering when we talk about our our comic book

Julian:

cool. Yeah. I'm looking forward to it.

Maya:

Yeah, so Julian and I have been collaborating a lot lately around proud stutter stuff. But before we get into that Julian, I'd love to talk more about your stuttering story.

I know we've kind of spoken here and there about it, but I love for you to kind of take this moment to talk about like your experience and how you view your stutter.

And then I'd love to also get into you know your experience as a teacher, but let's start from the beginning. How is it like growing up with with a stutter? And how are you feeling around it?

Julian:

You you just mentioned the comic book and I did the cover mock-up for the comic book and the basic design is, you know, a very small character looking up at this giant. Word that says my stutter and it's it's meant to give this feeling of an imposing. almost like impossible Force because that's what my stutter felt like to me as a kid where I I wanted to be able to speak and and just engage and be normal, but my stutter was just this powerful obstacle and it was so bad that I couldn't answer the phone when I was a little kid and I struggled to to speak up in class and I was the only person I knew who had a stutter and I didn't understand why and they would come and go and you know, it was it wasn't always constant and it was just a really frustrating thing to to have so as a kid, I really hated it. So I started through all of high school and college and it really affected myself esteem, but then I got a teaching job in Tokyo. and that that was a challenge, but that kind of taught me how to speak without my stutter. And I developed what I call my teacher voice. I don't stutter in my teacher voice. It's this. Slightly more commanding and projecting voice that I use when I'm public speaking. I don't understand why I can I can use my teacher voice and not stutter versus my normal voice. I started all the time. But as a teacher, I developed my teacher voice and I learned how to speak publicly and I learned that I love speaking publicly. I feel more comfortable speaking to 300 people that I do three people. Because I get to use my teacher voice and I get to sort of. Play this role of a public speaker, which is very comfortable for me versus talking to like two or three people as much more challenging.

Maya:

Yeah, that kind of reminds me how like when you're acting. or singing you're kind of using a different part of your brain and that is Probably why you don't stutter as much because you're kind of performing in a way. And so I know you know, sometimes when I am performing on stage. and like sometimes I'm able to use like a different part of my brain that I don't stutter as much.

Julian:

Yeah. Yeah, that's that's my exact experience. And I also I didn't think about this until after I'd already done it after I've been teaching and traveling for years, but I like the idea of sort of creating your own voice

Like, you know how actors train their voice and whatnot. I I love the idea of sort of choosing your voice and I feel like that's something I unintentionally did when I when I made up my teacher voice is I I sort of created this voice that I like. And I like how my voice sounds and I when I use my teacher voice. And it was just kind of a cool cathartic experience to to take control over the way I talk and that that really helped to to control my stutter.

Maya:

So you briefly mentioned that you are a world traveler and I would love to know how was it like moving around different cultures and traveling alone How how was how is it with your stutter? Because I know sometimes when I'm traveling in different countries, I'm like a lot more anxious and so when I asked for help, sometimes I stutter more and I'm wondering if that was your experience.

Julian:

I spent eight years combination of teaching and traveling overseas. I think I've been to like 42 countries now lived in like six or seven that's a really complicated question because I feel so different in many different countries and I felt like the easier the country was to travel. the weaker I felt and the harder the country was to travel the more powerful and the stronger I felt and when I felt weaker my stutter became more. of a burden so like some of the easier countries would be like Taiwan or Thailand where it's just like a wonderful safe friendly cheap country and it's just very easy to get around and in those countries, I felt like I wasn't very strong and my stutter came back and I was afraid to talk to people.

But then in the more challenging countries like China or Myanmar or parts of India, I felt like there's no help coming. Nothing like no one is gonna help me in a situation. It's it's 2AM. I'm alone here. I got to figure out what I'm gonna do and in those harder situations, I felt myself rise to the challenge and I felt it was I kind of like a do or die kind of thing and it became easier to push myself to to to speak and to fight the stutter and just get things done so that there's not really a clear answer about what it was like, you know traveling and stuttering every country was different

Maya:

like ever since we met And found out that we were next-door neighbors. We've been working on this Gala and it's like at the first time that we're doing anything like this like yes, I've organized events for work and like I've done a few events here and there for proud to stutter but nothing like this and you and I have kind of just been like taking it by the horn and just like learning as we go and one of the first things we started doing was actually going door to door. To small businesses to ask if they wanted to collaborate or support and I feel like each time we like did. You know, we each each time. We went on like those door knocking Adventures. We'd get stronger. There were like a few here and there we were like, oh no, this is horrible. But I feel like we kind of got our groove going and now I feel like we we're a lot stronger and like What our pitches and what are the story is? Can you? Talk more about what it's been like for you to like be involved and specifically like what it was like going door to door because that's terrifying for. a person who's stutters,

Julian:

I think like my nightmare would be like would be like a door to door sales person walking into someone else's business or someone else's space and then asking them to, you know, give me money or resources or something for the for the fundraiser and There were two things that kind of surprised me. The first was how willing so many people were to to help out. Just I I thought you know every one of them would have been like no now leave my store or I'm gonna sick the dogs on you. but a lot of them were really interested in in the non-profit and the cause and we're happy to help out which was a big surprise and the other thing that that sort of surprised me is just It gets its obvious and you think about it, but I just didn't think about how important it is to. Relate the message and how important it is to get that message down, which is something that I think you and I have gotten better at is is our articulating this message. And getting it, you know pithy and Powerful versus like I think the first time first few times you and I wandered into a store we sort of like rambled and we're nervous and couldn't get to the point and and I think maybe the owner was just like, okay you need to go now. Overall, it's it's it's been great.

Maya:

Yeah, I think one of my favorite memories so far from like sharing about our our event our community is comedy night, which I love kind of more marketing the event in that way because people really just get excited when they see comedy night. And yeah, like my one of my favorite memories so far was just our most recent one where we went to that Dubose block party that there was like this block what party a few streets down from where we live was so much fun

Julian:

and I I don't know why but yeah, I was surprised how excited people were about our event. I'm curious. How did you get good at sort of like? mustering up the courage to talk to people because that's something that I've been impressed working with you is is like Your notion that you know, I want something I'm gonna go ask for it. And I'm just like wait you you can do that. You can you can like want a thing and then ask for it and I'm curious how you just how you learn how to do that.

Maya:

I honestly don't really Know I just remember always. Just going after what I wanted like, especially when I was younger. and it wasn't like There are certain that things I wouldn't go after like for example, like in high school. I always wanted to be in the theater. I never ended up auditioning because I never wanted to like embarrass myself on stage. But when it came to and I think this really started happening in college because that's when my confidence really. Took a big boost because For the first time in my life, I had a solid group of friends around me, and I didn't realize until College of how lacking. I was in the Friendship Department. Like I never really had friends that I could fully rely on and Trust. and so I think just having that support system in college just really boosted my comments and it helped me go after what I wanted more. and I think I just I don't know. I've always just been like that. I think ever since then. and Yeah, like I would.

It's it's funny you like no one's ever asked me that and so I'm kind of thinking about it now. But yeah, like my whole like one of my favorite bands was in town when I was 22 in San Francisco, and I wanted to go backstage. So I somehow finagled my way to go backstage and hang out with him. So

I don't know that it's just there is always that in me I think and I think my parents taught me at a young age to like put myself out there like My parents would just send me. to Camp every summer and it was a different Camp every summer and so I was constantly put in situations by my parents where I was uncomfortable. I didn't know anyone and I really had to like exercise. I had to really learn how to exercise that muscle of like socializing and like because I didn't have that support system in. All through the grade school. I always was like had to think on my feet of like who was like gonna hang out with that lunch. Who was I going to hang out with I was recess because I literally didn't know who I was going to hang out with from one day to the other. And so I think I just had this like thinking on my feet and like navigating these uncomfortable Situations my whole life and to put a stutter on top of that like it's we have to navigate a lot on our feet. And so I think all those combinations of things I think really made me who I am and really to go after what I wanted because I realized example after example, I could get what I wanted if I just Navigated things a certain way,

Julian:

yeah, that's been I think one of the most. how can I say one of one of the most special things about working on a fundraiser with you is just sort of seeing what the process is like of going out to local businesses and asking for them to get involved and you know asking in what way they can get involved and I'm just like God like what an amazing talent to just be like hey, can you can you do this for me? And sometimes they say no, it's sometimes they say yes, and I'm just like wow, that's really cool. But that that you can do that.

Maya:

Thank you. I hope I hope I'm helping you kind of start exercising that muscle too because Because yeah it really it really works and I think our authenticity really shines through to a lot of people and I think that's really what makes us and and just really being our true selves and I think people really see that and like it.

Julian:

Yeah. Yeah, I I I'm pretty comfortable like being social or you know, obviously, you know, I I love traveling alone and going to strange foreign places. I've never been to before like that's my happy place, but then I don't ask for help. You know, I just I just go somewhere. So yeah. yeah, it's it's cool seeing that

Maya:

yeah, it's it's a journey and you know, I I'm so used to doing things on my own like With proud stutter with even like in my work life like I'm a one. person at team and so like having you working on this event with me in other projects has been so helpful and it's really just gonna make proud starters so much stronger because there's another there's another brain that I can bounce ideas off of and I think we complement each other really well in our skills, which makes me want to talk a little bit about our comic book, which is we haven't I haven't really talked about this yet. This is kind of a sneak. sneaky conversation. We're having about sneaky sneak preview about a comic book that Julie and I are working with a illustrator on it's going to be like a 20 Page comic book and and we're working with Indie ho who illustrated a few other comics for us in the past. and I am just so excited about this comic book. Like I just can't wait for you all to read it. Do you want to talk a little bit about what it it's it's been like for you working on this this comic. I know you helped write a story or to and I know you have some experience in publishing.

Julian:

Yeah. It's it's really a special thing to see something go from a concept to you know, this this near this now nearly finished product where you see like these stories that you and I talked about are now that they're now Illustrated and written on on the page and and some of them look amazing. It's it's been kind of like Authority a cathartic experience to sort of take all these stories and thoughts and boil them down to a comic book because I never as a until meeting proud stutter and you I never knew anyone who stuttered and I never really saw a much in the media and I just so loved the idea of making this thing. this this comic book which which sort of which sort of shows the some of the struggles that we go through and some of the you know Joys and just some of the stories and Yeah, it's been a lot of work and a lot of collaboration, but I'm excited to see it done.

Maya:

Yeah, me too and soon all of you listening will be able to get a copy and we'll make more announcements soon if you attend our event. In December 7th, you'll get a sneak preview of some of the pages. It's it's really been a really fun project. I think it's going to be a great way to educate and you know, we want to get these in as many schools starting with the Bay Area and Los Angeles as possible as well as live a prairies and all that stuff. So it's it's really exciting. It's just nice to pair proud stutter. the podcast and art together in such a cool way and I also love books.

Julian:

There's something really special about the the representation of Art and sort of seeing you and your community in art form and I'm really excited. I'm really excited for for everyone to check it out. I think I think you guys I think everyone's gonna Really Gonna Love it.

Maya:

Yeah, so we talked about the event we talked about the comic book. Is there anything else you wanted to mention or talk about before we before we before we Hop Off?

Julian:

there's there's so much that I'm excited for. I'm excited for the comedy. An energies Nina gonna be performing. I'm excited to see her. There's gonna be live music. I'm really excited to see how the auction turns out. We've gotten so many cool donations that I just I wouldn't have even expected people to donate this and I'm I'm really excited to see what the finished auction is going to look like because we just got some really cool stuff. And I don't know if we're announcing any of it yet. But I think everyone's gonna be really happy to to see some of this stuff. I'm also looking forward to trying some of the food as as he mentioned. We were at the debose park the what was it the the wiggle Fest. I don't know the the wiggle block party. We met a guy there who's volunteering to to bring some some food and we got to try some of his food, and it was amazing and I'm really excited to see all the different people who are volunteering food and just I think I think it's going to be a really exciting. Deliciously tasty funny night and just I think everyone's gonna be friendly and and it's gonna be great.

Maya:

Yeah. It's gonna be really cool to see like both the stuttering community the speech language pathology community and this like broader neighborhood Community because we're really trying to like Target this as a neighborhood event, too it's going to be really interesting to see all these different people interact and like learn from each other there might even be some people from like the East Coast coming. So it's gonna be super exciting. Yeah to like. To just see how it all shapes out and like Julian alluded to we have some amazing. Auction items one of which is a sign baseball by George Springer who is a proud Stutter from the Blue Jays baseball team. Um, and so that's kind of like our big item, but we have a ton of other stuff that we're going to be. auctioning off and yeah, I'm I'm blown away too by how much people are willing to give and support us. It makes me feel very seen and that people really care about our Community

Julian:

yeah, it's it's been a very affirming experience seeing how many people who themselves don't stutter are willing to donate either money or an auction item to support this cause and it's really cool. So I'm definitely glad to to be part of this fundraising Journey.

Maya:

Yes, and like Julian said Even if you can't make the event you can still support the cause all proceeds of the event are going to the production of proud Setters Multimedia Audio documentary. You can donate at proudstutter.com slash donate and yeah,

Julian, thank you so much for being on the show. It was so nice just to kind of be able to

Talk finally about what it's been like organizing such a big event and to learn more about your stuttering story and we will definitely want to have you back so we can dig in a little more but for now.

That's all and I will see you next time.

Julian:

Thank you. Thank you for having me an interviewing me and it's always fun chatting with you and and promoting the fundraiser and I'm really excited to meet everyone who comes out to the event. I'm really excited to try all the great food. I'm really excited to see all the really cool auction items and I think it's gonna be a wonderful fundraiser and I hope everyone comes out to support

Maya:

and that's it for this episode of proud stutter. This episode of proud stutter was produced and edited by me my YouTube cough. Our music was composed by Augusto Denise and our artwork by Mara Ezekiel and Noah chupkov. If you have an idea or want to be part of a future episode visit us at www.proudstutter.com, and if you like the show, you can leave us a review wherever you are listening to this podcast want to leave us a voicemail check out our show notes for the number to call in more importantly tell your friends to listen to until we meet again. Thanks for listening be proud and be you.