Embracing Speech Diversity: Proud Stutter gala clips, 2023 highlights & more

Transcript

Maya Chupkov:

I'm Maya Chupkov, and I'm a woman who stutters. Welcome to Proud Stutter, a show about stuttering and embracing verbal diversity in an effort to change how we talk about it, one conversation at a time.

Welcome back to Proud Stutter, our last episode of 2023. We are doing something a little different for this episode, since many of you couldn't make our gala and community comedy night in person, we thought we'd share some of the special moments via this special bonus episode of Proud Stutter. Also in this episode are some of our biggest highlights of the year and some voicemails we received recently from Proud Stutter listeners.

So first up, Proud Stutter's Gala.

Cynthia Chin:

My name is Cynthia, first season host of Proud Stutter. I don't know why you guys know the drill.

Maya:

As many of you know, Proud Stutter aims to lift the voices of people who stutter and give them a platform to share their story. So, of course, that was a big part of our gala.

Here's Julian.

Julian Benibedes:

Hello, everyone. Thanks for coming out tonight.

Stuttering sounds like silence. It is the silence of not raising your hand in class. The silence of not making a new friend. It is the silence of giving up. Because, you know, you can't break into the conversation without stuttering, right? I grew up with this self imposed silence, and I continue to struggle.

[00:02:00] It sucks. There's no other way to say it. Now, I learned recently that I am an extrovert. Shout out to my therapist. Yeah, therapy. Uh, now that means that I get a lot of energy from being around other people and social situations. And yet, I spent years silencing my voice, dimming my light because I was so ashamed of my stutter.

So nervous that I would stammer in front of a cute girl or a co worker and they would know my terrible secret. Now, obviously, that sounds a little melodramatic, right? Like, like, like, what is so wrong with it? What is so wrong with a stutter? When I bring it up now, most people don't notice or care that I have one.

Why should a stutter be such a source of pain and frustration? Why is it worth coming out tonight to support?

[00:03:00] Which I really appreciate you all doing. Uh, the answer is representation. See, the first time I ever saw a stutterer in a big movie was in Pan's Labyrinth, where the villain holds a gun to the innocent guy's head, an innocent guy who stutters, and the villain says that he'll let him go if he can speak without stuttering.

The guy stutters and is killed. Now as traumatic as that scene was for a young person with a stutter, this is not to dump on that particular movie, because I like Gamer Del Toro, who's a great filmmaker. Uh, but the question is, why is it that there were never stutterers appearing in media? Why is it that the first time I saw a stutterer in a big film, it was this pathetic victim?

Is that what it means to be a stutterer? Are you a victim? Now, I didn't know anyone else with a stutter growing up. So, I surmised that something was wrong with me.

[00:04:00] I understood that because other people with stutter are hidden, that meant that I should be hidden. That taught me that my stutter was a negative quality that I should hate about myself.

Something that I did hate about myself for a long time. And that is why we're out here tonight. That is why I am so happy to volunteer with Proud Stutter. Because representation really, really matters. And it's important that people who stutter understand that they shouldn't hide away or relegate themselves to silence. Now, when Maya and I, and big, big, can I just get a round of applause for Maya? Just make her a little bit uncomfortable. Thank you for that. Um, when Maya and I were putting up signs, and Talking to businesses, we met so many people who stutter.

[00:05:00] So many people who said they stutter. Or their brother in law stutters. Or their kid stutters. And we wouldn't know that if we weren't doing this.

Because we hide. I remember meeting this guy who worked on Haight Street. And when he learned about Proud Stutter, his face just lit up. And I could practically see his expression saying, Oh my God, I'm not alone. His expression, his response, that is why I'm happy to wake up on a Saturday morning and knock on doors and talk to people and do all this work.

It's for him, for people like that, who truly believe that they are alone. I want to thank everyone for coming out tonight, listening to our story, supporting this cause. This means so much to me, and I hope that every person out there who thinks that they need to hide because of their stutter, who thinks that their stutter means they don't deserve to be heard, I hear you.

[00:06:00] You are not alone. Thank you.

Maya:

And here is Sarah Nelson.

Sarah Nelson:

My name is Sarah. Uh, my pronouns are she, they, and I just wanted to Start by thank you all for being here today to celebrate Proud Stutter. I am very honored to have been asked to share a little bit about my story with you all tonight. If today was two years ago, you would not catch me up here.

You would have my life dependent on it. So thank you, Maya. Um, thank you for creating Proud Stutter and providing spaces where people who stutter can just talk or down. It's not often a reality for us. Growing up with a stutter was a never ending rollercoaster, overwhelmed by feelings of panic.

[00:07:00] Uh, when I had to introduce myself, say my name and where I was from, constantly worrying about what other kids thought about me when I, when I stuttered and trying to hide in the bathroom, whenever was my turn reading class.

In general, there was just a lot of fear around how other, how other people would react. To give a little perspective, some of the responsive responses I've received. Did you forget your name? Did you forget where you were from? What's happening to you? That was painful. You aren't making sense. Come on Sarah, just spit it out.

As I got older, my, my, my, my stutter has become More covert with likely the help from speech therapy, but also the techniques and tricks I've learned to hide it. For those who don't know what a covert stutter looks like, this includes substituting words, pausing, blinking, or making any physical movement to distract from one's speech.

[00:08:00] This works for me at times, however it's exhausting to have to always be planning how you are going to talk. Tiring not only on your body, but your emotional and mental health. My, my, my stutter is at the forefront of my brain in every conversation, always. The fear of other people responding negatively combined with my internalized self shame has put me in situations where sometimes I genuinely just don't want to talk anymore.

And that's hard for me. I am also a I am a extrovert at heart and also a Sagittarius. Any other fire signs in the house? Woo! We got a lot of y'all. Um, I just want to get to know everyone, do everything, and ask so many questions. And that's a little hard to do when you're just so nervous about what's going to happen when you open your mouth.

[00:09:00] However, since meeting Maya two years ago at the launch party of Proud Stutter, and getting more involved in the stuttering community. I have seen a shift in the way I live my life as a person who stutters. I left a career I was unhappy with to pursue a passion of mine in the non profit world, even though it sometimes involves speaking to groups of 100 plus people.

I've joined new adult sport leagues, joined a leadership position on the board of a non profit called Dykes for Drills, and I've gone to events and parties where I hardly know anyone and have made new friends. Of course, every day is different and presents a new challenge, and sometimes I might not have it in me to try and see the positives.

Healing isn't li isn't linear, and I'm constantly re re re reminding myself that that's okay. I am gonna have a stutter for the rest of my life, and I'm learning to love that.

[00:10:00] Proud Stutter is opening up doors. It's bringing awareness to stuttering through sharing stories of people who stutter. Helps so many feel less alone. Educating and allowing others who don't stutter to understand the impacts and experiences of someone who does stutter shifts the narrative and brings normalcy. So once again, thank you all, or sorry, so once again, thank you, thank you, thank you, Maya, for all the work that you do. I'm just so grateful. And thank you all for being here and being allies to our community. Um, and I hope you have a great night and enjoy all the amazing entertainment ahead.

Maya:

And our third testimonial is from Johnnie Pina.

Johnnie:

So just to take you back, I've stuttered as long as I can, uh, recall, uh, speaking, uh, which is what? Like, to re You start talking around two or three years old, something like that. So I've been stuttering ever since then and have gone to speech therapy, um, elementary school to middle school, high school, and even into college as well.

[00:11:00] And, uh, you know, I'm very grateful for the speech therapists along the way that have really kind of helped me out a whole lot. But, but I will say, I think what has helped me more in the speech therapy is what's going on right here, right now, uh, the community, uh, that I've found, um, through organizations that focus on stuttering, uh, like Proud Stutter, uh, have really helped me in a way that's much deeper, uh, than, than just learning, um, different techniques on how to be more Or fluent, I think, uh, being around other people that have, uh, a similar journey as I have, as I have had and continue to have, uh, has been so valuable to me and, uh, making me feel more comfortable who I am and comfortable with stuttering and, and speaking and public speaking.

[00:12:00] Um, but my day job is a lobbyist in Sacramento. And, uh, it was, I've been a lobbyist for about two years, and I found, uh, Proud Stutter about two years ago, too, uh, just so happened to happen at the same time, at a time when I really, uh, needed the support of the stuttering community as well, um, it really kind of gave me The courage to, uh, stand up at the dais in the Capitol and, uh, provide testimony in front of an intimidating, uh, group of folks, um, and, uh, on TV and an audience and everything.

Um, so, um, just kind of knowing that the stuttering community, uh, has my back in, in all of those public speaking engagements. And even in the meetings I go to individually, it can be, uh, a little intimidating at times, uh, trying to meet brand new people, um, and talking to new people about stuff. Pretty much, I don't know if you know what a lobbyist does all day, but we just talk all day long.

[00:13:00] And, um, as someone that sometimes struggles to be fluent all the time, it presented a challenge. Um, but I'm so thankful for the stuttering community and for Proud Stutter for, uh, providing that. The best support there, and you know, I will add one other thing that Proud Stutter has really, that was super fun to accomplish this past year, was working with, with, with Haya and others in this room, uh, to pass California's first Stuttering Awareness Week.

Um, that was, that was super cool. You know, um, uh, for those of you who don't know, our, um, The speaker of the California State Assembly, uh, is actually someone that has a stutter. And at the press conference, uh, that we had, uh, for the resolution, he spoke very openly about it.

[00:14:00] And that was just the coolest thing to see someone in that position, uh, speaking so open and honest about, about an experience I shared with him.

Um, so it, it really, it really made me feel like I belong in that building. Uh, in Sacramento and I think a big part of, of the reason that we're going to keep trying to do this resolution every year and encourage all the cities across California to adopt their own Stuttering Awareness Week resolution is because, you know, obviously as a person that works in politics and policy, I believe in our democracy and I think the only way to really make that work is if everyone feels like they can come and talk to their representatives and have a voice and, and be heard and able. Along in that building. So, uh, I'd like to, uh, keep up all the good work and, uh, spreading awareness. And again, just thank you so much for being here tonight.

Maya:

[00:15:00] And we had a very special poetry reading from Zainab Hussain. It was beautiful. And her poetry book is actually up for sale. You can check it out in our show notes.

Zainab:

Sticks and stones was my mantra as I willed myself to grow tougher skin. Maybe if I kept saying it over and over it would protect me like an exoskeleton. Time slowed down in those painful moments. Each vile word cut me like a knife. I wished for death so it could be over. I had no energy left to fight.

But words aren't sticks, or stones, or knives, and one day I decided that they couldn't hurt me, despite the pain I had to live my life, and that was the day I started to heal.

[00:16:00] Now, um, uh, something on a, a happier note. This one is called Love and Light.

I never seem to have many uplifting words to write. The stories that my poems tell don't paint a picture of delight. But there is calm in the eye of the storm. There is method to the madness. Deep down somewhere, there is hope for liberation from the sadness. These words are from the light of joy, gratitude, and abundance, which illuminate the dark nights and elicit courage and resilience.

Whispered by my higher power into my heart.

[00:17:00]These words are my Noah's Ark in the unrelenting storm of life. I affirm that my value is incalculable. I recognize my beauty inside and out. I validate my experience, though it be painful. I respect myself and choose who I will allow to drink from my well and nourish themselves.

I affirm that I am triumphant as I look back at the hills I've climbed, I recognize how incredibly radiant I can be when I allow myself to shine.

Maya:

And our last two speakers were very special. We had Supervisor Dean Preston and State Senator Scott Weiner. And Dean Preston, um, surprised me with something at the end. Take a listen.

Cynthia:

[00:18:00] Please welcome Supervisor Dean Preston.

Dean Preston:

I cannot believe you put me on after that amazing poem. Who did, why did you do this? Welcome to District 5, everyone, uh, to the amazing Peacock Lounge. There is no better place that we could be gathering, uh, than this amazing historic venue. And thank you all for being here. Um, and thank you to the incredible list of Small businesses and others all across San Francisco that contributed all the amazing stuff that is on these tables that you're going to be bidding on.

Um, the support has been so incredible to see, uh, for Proud Studder, but that does not just happen. And I just do want to recognize. Maya and all the volunteers, um, who have made this possible with a round of applause, please.

[00:19:00] So I remember when, when, uh, I've known Maya for about eight years and done so many different, uh, community things together. And I remember when Proud Stutter was an idea of doing a podcast. I didn't quite get it. I didn't know what Maya was going to be doing here. As with, I think, everything, um, that Maya does, she does it with such, uh, commitment and, and passion and brilliance that you start listening with Proud Stutter.

[00:20:00] Uh, and I know you all have, I hope you all have, but listen to these episodes and each one is a really, a window for those who don't stutter into the world of people who stutter. And an opportunity to connect and learn within the veteran community. And it has been really an honor to get to know this community, to carry at the Board of Supervisors, uh, the, the resolution. Which led San Francisco to become the first city in California to officially recognize and proclaim Stuttering Awareness Week last year in 2022.

And then we came together the next year to do a resolution locally in support of what was happening at the state level. And Johnny spoke about that, uh, with the momentum for the, for the state. Uh, resolution of Stuttering Awareness Week, um, and seeing these things not just pass, um, narrowly, right, but these, these are unanimous Resolutions, validating and making a statement about bringing the experience of people who stutter forward out of the shadows and, and recognizing the 70 million people worldwide that make up this community, 70 million people.

[00:21:00] So I want to thank you all for supporting this. I want to tell you some bad news that I learned for you.

Um, so, San Francisco passed this new law, I don't know if anyone heard about it, I'm gonna geek out a little on San Francisco law here, passed this new law that makes it illegal for me to talk to someone and try to convince them to donate to a non profit. So, that's the good news, I'm not allowed to do that. But I learned from the city attorney in this last week, there's an exception. If more than 20 people are in the room, I can hit you up and ask you to donate. So I'm looking around and we are far above 20 people so I get to say it directly. Um, as much as I know you're here to hear speeches from me and Senator Wiener, what I know you're really here for is to donate and support and honor.

Um, the incredible work of Proud Stutter, so please do dig down deep, make those donations.

[00:22:00] I'm looking forward to doing that, um, and I want to, uh, especially as I close here, uh, thank, uh, Senator Scott Wiener for being here. I know you're going to hear from him, but very much appreciate. Uh, him being here, um, and most importantly, thank the folks, the community speakers and all the folks who have shown such incredible courage in sharing their experience, sharing their stories, and being part of this amazing Bay Area stuttering community.

So, uh, thank you so much. And I have here a Proclamation that I would like to give to you, um, my, uh, uh, not just recognizing December 3rd, uh, 2023 as International Day of Disabled Persons. That's, uh, December 3rd. And then also specifically recognizing, uh, the, the work and the leadership of, uh, Proud Stutter in raising awareness about verbal diversity.

Maya:

And here's Senator Scott Wiener.

Scott Wiener:

So, uh, since we're disclosing, uh, I'm an introvert.

[00:23:00] Uh, and a lot of politicians are, believe it or not, and I'm a tourist, so, uh, there you go. Um, so, first of all, I just want to really thank, uh, Maya and Prasad for just, um, allowing, helping a community that has been pushed into the shadows, historically, uh, to just not be anymore.

Uh, and, you know, this is, to me, this is part of a broader, uh, community. When you look at the arc of history, um, it's about increasingly just letting people be who they are and celebrating people for who they are, uh, and, and, and stopping with this, like, you have to be exactly this way and if you're not exactly this way, then there's something wrong with you and you should just disappear.

And we have seen that historically for so many kinds of people who aren't the quote unquote.

[00:24:00] Uh, and, and that's one of the beautiful things about modern history, that we are gradually moving away from that and just celebrating and embracing and uplifting everyone for who they are, because Mother Nature made us this way, made everyone the way they are, and we need to celebrate that.

Uh, and that's what Proud Stutter is about, and I really just commend you, uh, for that, for that work. And, uh, it's great. We now have a president. We have a speaker at the assembly, uh, and it's just, it's really, it's just incredibly, incredibly powerful. So again, thank you so much for what you do and let's just keep fighting. Thank you.

Maya:

And that was our quick little, um, recap of our amazing, magical Gala slash community comedy night. That was definitely a huge highlight of 20 to 23. And just to name a few more, um, proud stutter won its first big grant from California humanities to produce a documentary.

[00:25:00] And that was the main reason why we actually put on the gala is to fundraise. To match that grant from California Humanities, which is a requirement. Um, we still need to meet our end of year fundraising goal. We surpassed our goal of 10, 000 at the gala. Thanks to so many of you contributing and supporting.

We need to raise another 5, 000 by December 31st and we are almost there. So please make an end of year gift to help us meet our 5, 000 fundraising goal. Another highlight, which is one of my favorites of this year was sharing the stage with assembly speaker, Robert Revis. Um, he. Authored our stuttering awareness week resolution for the state.

[00:26:00] And it was just so amazing to hear him be so open about his stutter. And yeah, to share a stage with him, the stuttering community and our allies in the Capitol, that was amazing. Um, another huge highlight was being featured alongside with so many Bay Area stuttering advocates, our ABC news documentary.

It was incredible just to see all of my friends on ABC News talking about their stutter and just sharing their hearts so openly. And of course, we published a comic book this year, which is still for sale. We have a huge discount on our comic books right now at our store. store. Proud Stutter won its first award ever.

It won a Signal Award for Most Inspirational Podcast. And we also worked with the state of Colorado to pass a second statewide stuttering awareness week.

[00:27:00] So those are just a few of the highlights. We have all of. The highlights and links in our show notes in our newsletter that just went out this, this, um, this morning.

So if you want to read more about our highlights, you can just click on that link. And last but not least, I wanted to share a voicemail we got recently from a proud stutter listener.

Adriana Flowers:

My name is Adriana flowers and I'm sharing my stuttering and resiliency story. Um, I stuttered since I was eight years old.

[00:28:00] And At first, I thought it was something that I would just, um, that would just pass by, you know, like many things in life do, um, but quickly, when I got older into my teens, I realized that this was a lifelong thing and, um, that I would have to live with it, but living with it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to, um, that it has to be a bad thing, if that makes sense.

Um. Through my advocacy, I've learned to speak out, well, speak up about my stutter and about the myths and, um, the stereotypes of people who stutter. And I've, I've been through tough times with my stutter, but being resilient is important, knowing that, you know, the tough times won't always be there. And if they do, you know how to handle them.

[00:29:00] You've gone through a hundred. You've been through a hundred percent of your bad days. I think it's how that saying goes. So being resilient is, it's hard, but it's worth it because you come out of it stronger than how you went in. And I'm glad I could share my story.

Maya:

Thank you so much, Adriana. Um, we'll be sharing more of our voicemails in our upcoming episodes in 2024.

Um, another really cool thing that's happening in 2024 is we're going to be interviewing professional baseball player George Springer. This is going to be Proudstetter's biggest interview yet. So we're super excited to Um, to share that with all of you and, um, I just wanted to end our 2023 episode, our last episode of the year with, um, you know, just another call and, um, and ask we.

[00:30:00] Again, like I mentioned earlier, we are really trying hard to meet our end of year fundraising deadline of 5, 000. This is all going to be going towards the production of Proud Stutter's documentary on Californians Who Stutter. And one of the requirements of the grant is we have to match 35, 000. So we need to do that really soon.

And I would love if you can support us as an end of year tax deductible donation, you can go to proudstutter. org slash donate. Thank you again so much for such a wonderful year. And yeah, let's let's get ready for 20 to 24. I hope everyone has a safe and happy and healthy new year. And that's it for this episode of Proud Stutter. This episode of Proud Stutter was produced and edited by me, Maya Chupkov. Our music was composed by Augusto Deniz. And our artwork by Mara Ezekiel and Noah Chupkov. If you have an idea or want to be part of a future episode, visit us at www. proudstutter. com.

And if you like the show, you can leave us a review wherever you are listening to this podcast. Want to leave us a voicemail? Check out our show notes for the number to call in. More importantly, tell your friends to listen too. Until we meet again, thanks for listening. Be proud and be you.