Stuttering and Music: Interview with emcdouble, professional recording artist

Transcript

David Mayan:

You know, so I mean, I guess that's why I, uh, what the music route went a little bit more of. aggressive at times with it in the beginning because of, uh, I felt like, um, there was backlash because of that, you know? So I guess it was more of a, okay, well then I guess I'm going to show you now type of thing, you know?

Don't hear no booms though, all I hear is pit pat. Hit the connect then, play down the boom bap. Just abused you, that's what we call a hit track. Go to the smokehouse, ask for a big sack. Pump gorilla glue, leave my chest on the track. Don't wish death on no one, ain't no coming back. Count your blessings.

Maya Chupkov:

I'm Maya Chupkov, and I'm a woman who stutters. Welcome to Proud Stutter, a show about stuttering and embracing verbal diversity in an effort to change how we talk about it, one conversation at a time.

Hello and welcome back to Proud Stutter and Happy New Year. Proud Stutter has exciting things planned for 2024. We will be continuing our regular cadence of Proud Setter episodes, releasing new episodes every other Friday. We also wanted to take this time to announce that our first event of the year is happening in Pasadena, California on Monday, February 12th at 6:00 PM at Octavia's Bookshelf.

There will be a special guest, speakers and a reading from Proud Stutters, brand new comic book. There will also be a after party down the street, so if you can't make the event, meet us at the after party RSVP by emailing me at info@proudstu.org. RSVP as soon as you can because this. Event will sell out.

[00:02:00] Alright, that's it for now. We'll have more updates on what to expect in 2024 soon. Okay, now onto the show. So the track you heard, um, at the beginning of the episode is music from today's very special guest. I am so excited to introduce to, to, to, to you, David. David Mayen, he's a recording artist, a person who stutters, and he's professionally known as MC'd Devil.

Welcome to the show, David.

David:

Hi, Maya. Uh, very much. I'm very excited to be here and thank you for having me as well.

Maya:

I love your accent by the way. I don't think we've had a new Jersey accent on here yet. It was the first time for everything. Thank you. Uh, you don't really hear that too much, you know, especially with the Jersey accent. So David, I know you are a recording artist and I'm wondering how, if at all, your stutter kind of has any connection to you wanting to do music for a living.

David:

I think that it did, um, you know, come to think about it in the past. My stutter was worse, you know, and I speak Spanish as well. Um, so that might have something to do with it. But, uh, so always speaking out or speaking publicly, you know, was always an issue when I was younger. So perhaps that did kind of push me into the direction of music, you know, because then that way. In my mind, at least, everybody was going to get a chance to hear me whether they liked it or not, so perhaps, yes.

Maya:

And can you talk more about what it was like growing up?

David:

I mean, uh, it was a lot harder when I was younger, you know, um, It's hard to go and interact with other people. Well, it's not hard, but one makes it hard. You know, because then you think, oh, what if I start stuttering? Or what if I start this? Or what if I start that? So that was always like a, uh, kind of like a roadblock. But, uh, I always felt like I was alone, um, that I was the only one that was going through it, uh, because you don't tend to meet other people that have that as well, you know, because, um, it's not, I mean, it's a common thing, but it's not as common as other things, so you might not find many people, you know, near you that suffer that same thing, you know, or that go through that.

I would always feel ridicule, uh, when it came out, whenever I was speaking in front of class, for example, uh, or in front of people, you know, because then you get nervous, and then that, on top of the fact that you suffer from an impediment, you know, makes everything ten times worse. So, I guess, yeah, that's the key word for that would be feeling kind of alone.

[00:05:00] Yeah, and do you think Why? Because I'm the same way. I didn't really meet anyone who stuttered growing up and I also felt alone.

Maya:

Is there a memory about your stutter that comes to mind when you were little or growing up? Um, Yeah, and anything that is, is coming up for, for you when, when you look back on, on your stutter and how it impacted your childhood.

David:

I remember being, I don't know if it was middle school at some point, but as when I was younger, it was worse, right? So I think I got up in front of class, um, to do, uh, presentation on something. And then, you know, with with the nerves I was feeling and this and that, you know, I ended up stuttering and it wasn't the first time, you know, going through the presentation or having to speak publicly in front of the class or in front of people.

[00:06:00] So, uh, you know, kids can be cruel. And I do remember in one instance being called a goat. You know, I mean, you know, now, now I might kind of, you know, laugh it off, but in the moment of a person that, you know, isn't confident with themselves a hundred percent because of this, you know, it can affect anybody, you know. Any different way, you know, it could have a negative impact on a person, you know, but thankfully, you know, that wasn't the case, but, you know,

Maya:

Now that you're an adult and it seems like you're doing something you're really passionate about, it really shows through in your music. Um, do you, Like, are you open about your stutter with people you encounter as an adult, whether it be in the music world, or like, your family?

David:

I wasn't, more so in the past. I wasn't hiding it, you know? But, you know, I just never really You know, I had a need or felt the need to go explaining myself or like, you know, saying a part of my story, but more recently, um, since I do have like a public voice, you know, I felt the need to communicate it. And I think that's the way that you found me, um, via Twitter, if I'm not mistaken, because, you know, I rarely post about it. And the one time I did, you caught it, which I'm glad you did, because now we're on this great podcast, but, uh, yeah, that's more of a recent thing. Um, I didn't intend to do that before, but now if it comes up, you know, I don't mind talking about it. And what made you want to, um, write that and share it? I just felt like I came this far, you know, and I used to think that what I had was a problem or disease or yada yada yada.

Well, not a disease, but you know, something negative that like one has to drag with them, you know, for the rest of their lives. It's not like that. You know, so, and I was like, you know what? I accomplished so much. Let me just put this little message out there. And if anybody is going through it too, just to let them know, Hey, there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Maya:

So, um, like does your Did um, I don't know how to phrase this Let me think about it because something that like because I'm you know thinking about starting a family and I know stuttering is Can be genetic and so I'm wondering if that ever popped up in your mind as you were Thinking about or starting a family.

David:

I mean, now I don't think of it as a negative thing. Um, so even if it were a genetic thing, you know, it never stopped me from doing anything. So I don't see, um, it being passed over. Um, Or the ability for it to be passed down to one of my kids. I don't see a problem with that because I no longer see it as a problem and it shouldn't be seen as a problem. I love that.

Maya:

Yeah. I feel the same way. I'm like, what? better equipped parent to have a child who stutters than someone who stutters themselves Like like no one I think so my grandfather had a stutter but no one in my family that I didn't knew of had one so it Probably would have been nice if at least one other person in my family had one Yeah to have someone else to speak with about it.

David:

Yeah, correct.

Maya:

Yeah, so you, you mentioned you're bilingual and you speak Spanish,

David:

um. Trilingual. Oh, trilingual. yeah, I mean, I didn't want to get too much into it before. I didn't know how, how deeply we were going to go into it. And what's your other language? Galician. Oh, from Galicia in Spain. So that's uh, that's where Portuguese came from. Um, so then it split into its own language. So now it's Galician and Portuguese, you know, but um, it's two separate languages. So I can also speak Portuguese since it's so similar.

Maya:

[00:10:00] Wow, that's amazing. Um, I tried to learn languages later in life and It's, I feel like I get it really well, like as far as the grammar and like writing and stuff but when it comes to like speaking a language it's so hard for me and I think a lot of it has to do with my stutter so kudos to you. Did you learn those languages early in life?

David:

Yes, that's what really helped. You know, I don't think, um, like if I was trying to learn a language now, I mean, I, uh, may be able to say the same things, you know, because I might be able to get the grammatical part of it and the other parts of it. But then when it comes to speaking, you know, it may be another thing.

But That being said, I still think that you should try and speak other other languages anyway, you know and then if anything happens you could just act like you have a Tommy gun or something like it what I used to do and then when you start stuttering you pick up the Tommy gun

Maya:

Oh Man well actually one language that I'm gonna try to learn it's like my New Year's resolution is sign language

David:

Oh, that's great. No, then that's a wonderful, uh, language to pick up. I actually picked that up recently because of, uh, my son in the beginning. Yeah. Since in the beginning, uh, they say to teach baby sign language, my wife taught him sign language. So through him, like, like whenever he wanted a, uh, a glass of milk or something, he would, uh, Open his hand and make a fist and then close it.

Open his hand and make a fist and that's asking for milk. And like there's a couple of other ones as well. But sign language is something that's useful and even taught to babies. So hey, that's a very good thing to learn actually.

Maya:

Wow, I love that. So your wife already knew sign language?

David:

No, she just learned it to teach the baby.

[00:12:00] I mean, I'm not saying she flat out learned it. But you know, she learned a couple of phrases to teach to the baby. Oh my god, I love that. Okay, I'm definitely Gonna take that with me Because I think that's yeah, that's just so cool to like teach a baby that especially it Helps with their like thinking. Oh, yeah Yeah At the same time the baby can't talk, right? So so it helps for them to be able to say something in some type of way. That is brilliant Yeah, so for all you Aspiring parents out there Consider teaching your child sign language because I will definitely be doing that Helps a lot.

Maya:

So you live in Queens, New York Yes, so I'm wondering if you can [00:13:00] talk about like What it's like living there and just talk about like what you're working on right now in terms of music. I know I've listened to a few of your songs and there seems to be some connection between like where you grew up and where you live and so I'm wondering if you like talk more about that and how, um, how your music is influenced.

David:

Well, right now, yes, like you said, uh, before I'm in Queens, New York right now, I moved in 2019. Uh, I was born and raised in Jersey, born in Newark, raised and Elizabeth. Um, you know, so most of my life I've been in Jersey and it's just, um, the relationship that I would place on it. I would place more of a relationship on the Jersey side of it. Obviously, Queens gets love because that's where I'm at right now presently. But New York, especially in hip hop, since I'm a hip hop artist.

[00:14:00] I feel like New York has always got, you know, it's name out there for the artists that are from here and they always got the love and respect from everybody. But I always felt at the same time that Jersey was the opposite.

Jersey never really got his respect or never really got its, uh, flowers for the artists that came from there, even though many big artists came from there. So that's one thing that. resonates with me. Um, and I try to make it reflect in my music. So that's why I mentioned it here and there. And I'm glad that you caught that. Um, you know, so it's in a subtle way, put Jersey on the map, if that makes sense.

Maya:

Yeah, I'm not from the East Coast. But yeah, I, I always hear that. New Jersey always gets kind of shadow, like, there's like a shadow because New York City is always in the spotlight, so. Yes, yeah. So it's nice to kind of see art that's um, lifting up New Jersey and all the special things about it, so.

David:

Yeah. And if you don't mind me mentioning, uh, if I mentioned real quick, um, in the past, it used to, you know, how I mentioned that, uh, my stutter was worse in the past, right? And that it was more frequent. Um, In my music, it would reflect as well because since I wasn't, you know, fully confident with who I was and I was just coming up, um, and I was still establishing my, my craft and my skillset, you know, um, when I did have the nerve to try and put one song out there or two songs out there, whether I was ready as an artist or not, you know, I tried, but then I do remember, uh, a couple of times since my stutter was evident. Um, you know, I do remember, you know, getting, you know, some bad comments from people, but you're always gonna have that regardless, you know, so don't let that be something to scare you or scare anybody from speaking their mind or doing what they want to do. But I saw music as a form of therapy, maybe, um, not, you know, straight up.

It's not like I thought, oh, I'm doing this because of therapy, but in my subconscious. I think, you know, because then after a while, you know, you want to master your craft, you want to, you know, so then no matter what impediment you have, I was able to place mine to the side or minimize it in order to do what I had to do. Without that being in the way of it, you know,

Maya:

Can you talk about your latest mixtape and and you know If you can talk about some of the songs on it, and if there's like a theme around it I really it would be awesome if we can Get the word out and have some of our listeners listen.

David:

Well, the theme pretty much, um, cause I'm an indie artist. The theme is because I worked with, um, mainstream artists as well as indie artists kind of down the line. I did a lot of [00:17:00] collaborations. Um, so EMC doubles mixtape is kind of like stating, yeah, I'm indie, but. I'm with everybody and everybody is with me and I don't have to form a part of a conglomerate per se in order to get my stuff out there and to be heard. So that's pretty much the message that's behind it. Um, and I have songs on there. I have a song. Uh, call it y'all ain't, you know, bleep. I'm going to bleep that out. But, uh, with Benny, the butcher, which is a big mainstream artist in hip hop. I have another song with Conaway, the machine called nothing. Uh, the little jupie is on there. Shout out little jupie. Um, I have a great song on there with a, uh, An artist from England that he does a lot of electronic music, but he's been doing fusions lately, uh, Kiffy. K I F F I E. Um, you know, there's a [00:18:00] little bit of everything on there. There are tracks in Spanish. So, I wanted to show people that I can be versatile. That, you know, I can bring stuff in Spanish. I can bring stuff in English. There are different genres. There's Afro beats on there. There's hip hop. There's fusions. You know, there's a little bit of everything for everyone.

Maya:

Yeah, so definitely, definitely check that out. I listened to it a ton of times and I absolutely love it.

David:

God knows that I know how hard it was growing up and God knows, you know, as well, and I see you doing your thing as well with the podcast. And I'm very proud of that, you know, because I know you've searched in the past for, uh, things like your podcast and I have as well, and it just didn't exist. And people talking about it didn't exist. So if we can bring attention to that, and that's why, you know, now with my album coming out, perhaps I chose to bring attention to that, you know, and this time because to show, Hey, I'm doing this and this didn't stop me. So it's not going to stop you either.

Maya:

Um, so we're both covert stutters. So, you know, we stutter, but we can hide it. Well, I guess, um, so I'm wondering, are there any, like, things that you've developed over time that helped you hide your stutter or be more fluent? Like, for me, I tend to substitute words. Do you have any?

David:

Mm hmm. I actually have a good example for you. I did that, I did that more so in the past. I might still now if I get stuck on a word here and there. Um, because what I do now actually, I actually, if I feel like I'm going to stutter, And I feel it coming. I just stop and I just have a pause. It's funny because it might be like a, like a dramatic, you know, like couple seconds pause, you know, and I don't intend it to be that long, which is funny because sometimes, you know, you start with the eye contact and then they're looking at you, you're looking at them.

[00:20:00] It's like, I'm going to say something, hold on, you know, but, um, but it's funny what you said about the substituting words. In the past, yes, but it wouldn't be me doing that on purpose. Let's say I was at 7 Eleven, right? I'm getting a hot dog. This has happened to me in the past, actually, a couple of times, which is funny now, you know, when I look back, um, so I will get like a hot dog, right? So I wanted mustard, ketchup, and like, let's say I wanted to like. Relish on it, right? So I go and ask for, I'm like, yeah, let me get a hot dog with ketchup, mustard, and chili. And then I'm thinking, ah, I didn't want chili, but I guess I got to eat it now. You know? Oh my God. I totally, totally know that for sure. Oh my gosh. You know, I mean, yeah, it's a funny thing, you know, but when you're going through it, you're like, you know, it might be more of a serious thing. It depends in which context you're saying it, but at the end of the day, you know, you can always go back and fix whatever you said wrong. So it was not a big deal.

[00:21:00] I think only we make it a big deal, you know? Yeah. And one of the things, so you mentioned That story about you ordering something that is easier to say and i've done that too and one of the things that because there's all these like There's a lot of situations that we as stutters find ourselves in and it's hard to explain So what i've been doing is trying to like work with artists to help Convey and visualize through art like what it feels like to have a stutter and so that story Around like, you know having something you want to say one thing, but another thing comes out I'm really starting to like play with that as a theme and seeing how we can like show people That's one of the things that we do is like we want to say something but it doesn't always come out how it's in our head Yeah, and then you actually want to take the easy way out, you know, yeah when it's not wet when it's on purpose But I do believe it's a subconscious thing, you know at times as well There's been times that I didn't do it on purpose.

Maya:

Yeah, it's like our brain is training Itself, you know, yeah Um, yeah, yeah, I do agree. Yeah Um, well, this was such a great conversation Thank you so much David for being so candid and sharing your story. I think there's a lot of people out there that are gonna really Um, you know, take a lot of what you said and, um, you know, there are a lot of artists and creative minds in our community and I think this is just another example of how we can use our stutter to be creative and thank you so much for being on.

David:

And I agree 100%. Yeah. You know, and it's great that we can have a community, you know, and that we can support each other. You know the most important, you know, I think this was the theme of the thing of the interview was that you're not alone You know, no one is alone. So if anybody, you know wants to send me a dm or send me an email You know if that information is displayed Um later, you know, please feel free, you know If you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to speak to i'm here and I know what you're going through

Maya:

Oh, yeah, i'll definitely include your Your social media in our show notes.

David:

So I just want to emphasize the fact that you're not alone. If you have a speech impediment, you know, um, you're you're not the only one that's going through it. You might not have a neighbor that's going through it. You might not have. A person across the street from you or on your block, or you might not interact with many people that have it, but believe you me, you are not alone.

And this, you know, it's not an impediment. That's what they call it, but you can get over it right now. I'm speaking to the best of my ability. Thank God throughout the years, I got a lot better. You know, as I said before, in Spanish and. Galician, you know, it, you know, could come out more frequently, but don't let that stop you from doing anything.

You know, you are as valuable as you make yourself to be. And like with Tupac, uh, you know, my favorite artist, actually, uh, one thing that Tupac, um, would say is that life isn't hard. It's only what you make it to be, you know? So as soon as you have the first part down, you know, be confident with who you are.

And then the rest follows.

Maya:

And that's it for this episode of Proud Stutter. This episode of Proud Stutter was produced and edited by me, Maya Chupkov. Our music was composed by Augusto Diniz. And our artwork by Mara Ezekiel and Noa Chupkov. If you have an idea or want to be part of a future episode, visit us at www.proudstutter. com. And if you like the show, you can leave us a review wherever you are listening to this podcast. Want to leave us a voicemail? Check out our show notes for the number to call in. More importantly, tell your friends to listen too. Until we meet again, thanks for listening. Be proud and be you.