Public Speaking, Basketball, and Becoming A Life Coach With A Stutter

Transcript

[00:00:00] Maya Chupkov: Hey everyone! Today officially launches our Documentary Film Ambassadors program. For those of you who are new to Proud Stutter, I've been working with a team of filmmakers on a documentary that intersects stuttering and incarceration. Do you want to get involved in the film? The ambassadors program is the place for you from helping us with fundraising to event planning and much more.

There are so many ways to get involved in the making of our film. We have different commitment levels based on how much time you have from very low to very high. So, are you interested? Drop us an email at info@proudstutter.org and let us know that you'd like to learn more. We look forward to hearing from you.

All right, now on to today's episode.

I'm Maya Chupkov and I'm a woman who stutters. Welcome to Proud Stutter, a show about stuttering and embracing verbal diversity in an effort to change how we talk about it. And One conversation at a time.

Welcome back to proud stuttered today. We have Ty Ellis joining us. He's a person who stutters and an optimal performance coach and speaker. Ty, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me. So Ty, can you talk about. Your stutter. Um, I know you're open about your stutter now, but has that always been the case?

Or like, how has your relationship changed with your stutter since you were younger?

[00:02:00] Ty Ellis: You know, uh, my stutter really consumed me mentally growing up. To the point where I never spoke outside of my home. So I was like, I would say eight or nine and third or fourth grade. And I remember asking my grandmother, uh, why did God choose me?

Uh, I feel like I've been cursed and my grandmother was like the matriarch of our family. And so she told me, well, one of the most powerful people in the Bible stuttered, which is Moses. So you're not cursed. In fact, she said, every time you stutter, that's God's way of reminding you of how special you are.

You're, you're, you're going to speak for a living. You're going to lead many. And she was such a prophet because now I travel the country speaking. And so I went from answering all my questions by shaking my head, no, or nodding my head, yes, or shrugging my shoulders, I don't to actually talking. And it took me a while and I had to learn my breathing, learning, learning my breathing patterns and my mom, uh, she made the elementary school that, uh, I was attending hire a speech pathologist and so they taught me how to control my breathing and, uh, from then on, I was able to control my stuttering for the most part, I still have my triggers, uh, but I know how to breathe through it and not let it consume me.

[00:03:32] Maya Chupkov: Is there like a memory that comes up for you when you were younger that kind of like you always kind of think about like as kind of one of your core memories about stuttering that kind of shows like how far you've come?

[00:03:52] Ty Ellis: Yeah, you know, I couldn't whisper to save my life. Like I tried to whisper into a girl's ear and she thought I was blowing in her ear, you know, those types of things.

Uh, yes. So it's, it's those, you know, uh, I tell people that who don't stutter, it's, it's, it's like a bouncing ball in our mind. So for me, my triggers were WHS and, uh, uh, the what, where, when, wise, and it would be a bouncing ball inside of my mind, getting stuck on that word, similar to Sesame street. So I will watch Sesame Street growing up all the time and then the part where they have the kids follow, follow the bouncing ball to help you learn a song.

That's how it was in my mind as a child. And I've learned that I can't fight the stutter. I really have to work with it so I can get through those particular triggers. Yeah. Wow. I love that. That's amazing. That's, it's, that's the first time I've heard that analogy and I really, I really like it a lot. Um, and when it comes to your, your childhood and your upbringing.

[00:05:11] Maya Chupkov: Um, it sounds like you had support from your family. Is there anything you wish you, is there anything you wish could have been provided to you earlier?

[00:05:26] Ty Ellis: Like, like, One example that I have about, like, like I just grew up feeling like I was the only person with that was struggling with this, um, and it made it really hard to relate to other people.

Cause I, I felt so alone and I just wish there were like, I had known that there were other people like me out there. And so I'm wondering, just, just thinking about kids. Right now who are growing up with a stutter like what what does there need to be more of I guess Yeah, you know every time I speak I talk about me stuttering and it wasn't supposed to be me According to everybody else.

I could tie illness, you know state and speak in front of hundreds and thousands of people Right. But I tell people that my journey is mine, you know, and I was fortunate enough that my mom fought for me. So my elementary school thought I was autistic at one point because I never spoke. And so I would pass all the tests and then they thought I was a genius.

Like, no, I I'm just a normal kid. I just can't talk. And so once my mom made them hire the speech pathologist, she, uh, introduced me to other kids. And invited me to a stutter camps where everybody, well, all the kids, they're stutter. And it really made me feel at home, if that makes sense. And I can just speak freely.

And I wasn't worried about people's opinions or me speeding through the sentence, because I know people are waiting for me to finish. I just took my time and it gave me so much confidence and relief just to be me. And so, uh, I never felt like I was alone because my uncle always stuttered. I mean, he also stuttered.

And so, but it wasn't until I attended. The, uh, speech camp where other kids from in the school district, we all met and we just had a blast. We had a blast being free. And so, uh, I never experienced me being alone because there was people around me that also stutter.

[00:07:45] Maya Chupkov: Wow. Yeah, that, I feel like that is so important to expose people, young people to other people who stutter.

Cause I was made to feel so. Like different, I guess. And so it made me feel, it even made me feel scared to even talk to other people who stuttered. Cause it was kind of like, you're looking at a mirror of yourself. Like, do I really sound like that too?

[00:08:20] Ty Ellis: Yeah. Yeah. But, but you know what, I realized that people who don't officially stutter, they still stutter.

They still get, you know, they still stumble over their words. And a lot of times people don't realize I stutter until I tell them I grew up stuttering and you never grow out of it. You just learn how to control it better. And so when I'm on stage, every single time I leave a speaking engagement, I have a line of people waiting to meet me and either they stutter, their, their, their children, one of their children stutter, their aunt, their uncle, their husband, their, their wife.

Somebody knows somebody who stutter. And when I come out and talk about it, it gives them confidence that they too can speak and have a normal life. Because for a long time, I didn't know what I was going to do in life. What can I do that doesn't require speaking? Right? And so, but it wasn't until I had that mindset change with my grandmother, and I just started to believe her.

And I've spoken to a lot of people, I've been on television, doing commercials, doing this and doing that. And, like, it's just who I am now, and I'm proud. Or the fact that I can be a voice for other people who grew up just like me.

[00:09:41] Maya Chupkov: Yeah, that's, that's amazing. And, um, and I think me and you, we kind of fall under like covert stutters so we can like pass as fluent, but like deep down people don't realize how much work is going into talking.

And, and I feel that way when I'm speaking. Um, to a bit or an audience. And I'm always debating whether or not I'll like talk about stuttering or not. Cause so much of my speaking engagements are for my job. So it's like a specific issue area, but every once in a while I'm like, okay. Just FYI, I stutter, you might hear it, and then I go into my thing.

And so, um, but sometimes it's exhausting to have to explain my stutter. Like sometimes I kind of just want to stutter openly and not have to like explain myself. So I'm wondering like during situations where you're not talking about stuttering specifically, do you ever feel like. It's exhausting to have to, like, explain it yourself ever.

[00:10:59] Ty Ellis: Well, whenever I'm speaking, I love talking about it early because, for one, it inspires people, it gives people hope. But also, selfishly, it's for me to admit my flaw out in open. And so once I admit it, I'm not hiding it, you know? And so it's really a, um It takes away that mental crutch that's holding me up and I can just release it.

And if I started, or if I get triggered, it's just who I am. And so I love telling the story about my grandmother, because I think all of us have something like my, my grandmother said, she said, baby, everybody got something, they can just hear yours, but they got something too. And so when I admit mine, I know the people I'm talking to, they got something going on in their lives too.

And so it shows a level of vulnerability and transparency that I'm not perfect. I go through the ups and downs of life, just like everybody else. But what I am is I'm comfortable being Thai. I'm really proud to be Thai. And so, uh, with me admitting it, it gives people, uh, you know, it, it really helps me out.

But in a normal conversation, like I said, I've learned to slow down. My biggest thing is controlling my breathing. And I speak through my stutter. So if, if I know a word is about to give me some type of issue or problem, I slow down and I exhale through it. And so I've kind of mastered that particular, uh, tool to get through my stuttering.

It's just when I'm excited, I'm not controlling my breathing and I lose my rhythm, but if I stay on my rhythm, you know, people would never know that I stutter.

[00:12:51] Maya Chupkov: Um, and I want to talk about you having a sports background because over the years I've. I've talked to a lot of people who stutter who are also athletes and I myself grew up playing sports, um, including basketball.

Now I play volleyball and there's just something about expressing yourself through sports that I think is very freeing, especially having a stutter. And so I'm wondering if you can talk about like. Your, your, your background in playing basketball and if your speech had anything to do with that choice or like if, if there's any connection between basketball and stuttering.

[00:13:47] Ty Ellis: Yeah. Well, for me, Once I like everybody plays sports in my neighborhood, and we all are the same age. We all are the same size. But when I started hitting 12, 13, 14, 15, I started being taller than everybody. Right. And so basketball became natural to me and I became a pretty good basketball player. But once, like I said, after that conversation with my grandmother in elementary school.

I became more confident with my stutter and I started to slow down and control my breathing and I felt like my stuttering or my speech impediment didn't control me anymore. Like I'm able to beat it, right? That gave me so much confidence in sports, like make making a free throw to win a game. That's easy for me.

You know, scoring a bunch of points and being good, good basketball. That's easy for me. And so when, when, when, uh, thing that I had that was keeping me from it, from having peace and joy, I defeated it. And now I have peace and joy that gives me confidence in so many other areas of life. So I'm not afraid to fail.

I'm not, I'm not afraid to go after whatever it is because I know what I've already defeated. And so, uh, so that how that's how stuttering really helped me excel at sports. Because I had this, this inner victory that nobody understood. And so, uh, uh, yeah, so stuttering really helped, helped propel me to the athlete, uh, that I became.

[00:15:28] Maya Chupkov: Yeah, it sounds like, like, you overcame the part of you that saw Your stutter is like, you know, like you you let go of the control that your stutter had over you Kind of thing. That's right. Yeah Yeah, and it's like even though you still have your stutter because there's no cure It's like you've kind of Defeated the part of the stutter that you, I don't know exactly how to frame it, but um, I'm trying to find like the best way because I think what you said is so powerful.

[00:16:14] Ty Ellis: Well, well the, the stutter held my peace, controlled, held my peace and happiness hostage. For so long, you know, and when I overcame it, even after my grandmother's speech, I still had to go through the process of not being, of not being embarrassed. Had to still go through the process of being teased and ridiculed.

Had to still go, go through the process of, Taking back my identity from stutter from, from my speech impediment, but that was a journey. And once I completed that journey, now I have my peace back. I have my confidence back, but for so long, uh, my speech impediment, speech impediment held it hostage. And so when I was able to take that back now, my fearlessness.

became so strong. Like my faith is so audacious. It's offensive because I always believe that I can do whatever I want to do. And I've, and I've had that mindset since probably my freshman or sophomore year. And so, uh, uh, yeah, I, I took back control of my life and happiness. From my speech impediment. Yeah.

[00:17:32] Maya Chupkov: I felt the same way after starting this podcast. Like I felt like ever since I was open about my stutter, I've just like, I've like found my purpose in filmmaking and it just opened up things inside of me that I never thought were there. That's that, that, that sounds about right. They have very similar stories.

Yeah. Um, and I know you're a, a coach, um, a, an optimal performance coach. Can you talk about what that is? Um, and also like, do you, like, do you. Encounter like other athletes who stutter to along your kind of career.

[00:18:28] Ty Ellis: Uh, first of all, an optimal performance coach, I help people perform and think at an optimal level.

So my background is playing professional basketball, but also coaching professional basketball as well. And it's our job to make, to help the players perform on the court and at an optimal level, but also off the court. And so I've gotten really good at inspiring and motivating players to feel their potential, right?

To, to grow their potential, to create value. And that's what I do through conversation. I think everybody needs a coach. And so I've coined myself as the head coach, as I point to my head. Right. And so that's, that's, that's my phrase. So I just help people become thought leaders. I help people become the leader of themselves and not a leader of themselves.

And so I just love that. I still coach basketball, my 13 year old son, but I'm not coaching at the professional level in the NBA anymore. Uh, but I love coaching athletes. I love coaching executives. I love coaching leaders. To help them perform at an optimum level. And so have I found other coaches or players that stutter not necessarily coaches, but, but I've encountered a lot of players that, that stutter a lot of.

Right. And so it's a, it's something that I can relate to them with, but even the players that don't stutter, they know somebody who stutters. And for me to educate them on what it's like for us, for me to educate them, how they can support, uh, their family member or friend, you know, that's what, that's, what's important because we, we need people to understand, uh, what we're going through.

It's not as simple as just say it or get it out or, huh. You know, those type of phrases. Uh, uh, that can really take a person's confidence, but to be understanding and be empathetic of that person as, as he or she tries to say a word, that's the best thing for us.

[00:20:44] Maya Chupkov: Yeah. And you're a father of three, I think.

Is that right?

[00:20:50] Ty Ellis: No, two. Two. Okay.

[00:20:51] Maya Chupkov: You're a father of two. Do you like talk to your children about stuttering? Like, how is, Um, like do they stutter too? Cause I've heard that it can be genetic.

So yeah, I, um, if it's not too much to ask, like, yeah, like, do you, yeah. Do you ever, does stuttering come up with your family?

[00:21:17] Ty Ellis: Yeah. So with my son and daughter, uh, neither one of them stutter, but it does come up because like I said, I still stutter. I, I have my triggers, especially when I'm around family because I'm more relaxed and I just. Talk without control, my controlling my breathing or being mindful of my triggers. So I'm just very free.

So to them, it's normal. That's just how daddy talks. And I've expressed to them what stuttering is, how difficult it is to grow up as a, as a kid to stutter. So if you encounter friends that have a speech impediment, don't tease them, be empathetic, you know, and so I teach them those, those things, but. It's kind of norm around my house, you know, that's just how dad talks, uh, sometimes and, but they've also seen me on stage talk about it and they've also seen the response from people in the audience who come up to me afterwards.

And so they understand that it's a big deal that a lot of people started, a lot of people. And the fact that I'm able to have the speech impediment and be on stage and be fearless. Uh, uh, that just inspires them to get through their difficult moments.

[00:22:39] Maya Chupkov: Yeah. I had a conversation recently with someone and they said like, like hiding your stutter, like, you know, controlling your stutter, I guess is similar to code switching.

And I'm wondering like, Like that was the first time I'd ever heard it, like explain like that. And so it's kind of top of mind just cause I've been thinking about it a lot. Does that ring true for you? Or like, is there any, like, do you see that being related to codes switching at all?

[00:23:24] Ty Ellis: No, I don't. I'm, I'm very, very confident in who I am and whose I am.

This is how God made me. And I love it. I love everything about the unique, about the uniqueness, uh, how, how, how unique my journey has been from a kid who couldn't stutter. Now I speak for a living from a kid who, I'm sorry, from a kid who couldn't talk. Now I speak for a living from a kid who couldn't talk.

Now I inspire people through my words. Like I love that. And so I don't hide my stutter. I embrace it. I love it. You know, that's just who I am. And, uh, um, yeah, I don't, I'm, I'm not afraid to stutter or to talk about it in front of people. Cause I know there's something wrong with you too. You can just hear mine.

That's it. Nobody's perfect on this planet. And so I just embrace that mindset and just go after life.

[00:24:27] Maya Chupkov: And what's next for you? Like, do you have any future plans beyond like, you know, being a coach and a speaker? Like I can just like see your whole story being like a book one day. Like, I'm just curious, like, do you have any aspirations?

For, for the, yeah, around that sort of stuff.

[00:24:54] Ty Ellis: Yeah, I have aspirations. And so I'm writing my first book called I LEAD. And I LEAD is an acronym that I, I listen to learn. I educate and empower. I acknowledge and articulate and I demonstrate. And it's a book on becoming an effective leader. But the key word is I.

I, you know, I have a lowercase i with the word I. uppercase L E A D, but the I, uh, signifies I have to lead myself better before I can, I can lead others. And so I'm teaching people how, how to become effective leaders. So that, that's one thing. And, uh, I'm, I'm getting in the film industry. Uh, we're pitching a show to different networks about, uh, tennis shoes.

And it is, uh, I don't want to say the name yet until it becomes official, but, uh, my producer and I have some meetings set up with some big companies and hopefully, you know, it gets picked up in the next, I would say we got means in the next two weeks. So we, we believe in it. We have a great, great, uh, uh, interviewees that we have already signed some very famous athletes and people, and it's about sneakers, you know, and, uh, so that's going well.

I'm always going to be a basketball coach. I'm always going to have my company, the Ellis performance group. That's lspg. com. And, uh, I'm, I'm, I'm always going to help and support people become better to think and perform at an optimal level. That's my passion. And so I have that and just speaking and traveling the country and inspiring as many people as I can.

To, uh, establish a growth mindset and not be afraid to fail. That's amazing. And do any of your like upcoming projects, like the book in this, this, um, film project, does any of that have to do with stuttering or no, no stuttering is my journey. And I talk about it, um, a lot, but not, not with this film project.

Uh, I'm behind the scenes in, in interviewing some of my peers and friends. Uh, that have their own sneakers and things like that. So there, I'm not even on camera, but in regards to my book, I, I will use examples, um, of my players who stuttered or me growing or me growing up stuttering and how effective, uh, the leader was in my life, my grandmother, my teachers, my, my mother.

So the, and even my coaches, you know, these, these coaches, they are, So instrumental in laying the foundation of these kids. Some take it for granted, but some don't. Some coaches literally embrace their responsibilities and take it very seriously. And those, uh, um, leaders, like I just admire and love. You have some who look at, you know, being a coach is just a job.

And I tell them all the time that kids that are misled, they grow up to mislead. So don't take your responsibility for granted. These kids are laying the foundation of their mindset and you have an intricate part in, in, in, in pouring that foundation. So don't take it for granted. So it's just those types of things that I talk about my stutter and I talk about life in general, but, um, I'm, I'm really on this pursuit of, uh, creating a legacy of inspiration.

And that's what I want my, my legacy to be about. I've inspired so many people to be great. That when it's time for me to, uh, uh, go home, uh, my name would be scattered all over because I've helped so many people. The fact that like, we're, we're, we're using our creativity and our experience as people who stutter, even if it's not directly like about stuttering, there's still, Those layers underneath all that we create that just, um, I think makes our, every project we did touch even better.

Cause it's like, we have this just unique perspective. That no one else has We definitely do you know, uh, I I talk about porky pig Do you do you remember porky pig? So, you know and for the young listeners who don't know who the porky pig is it was a cartoon character But he had a very serious speech impediment, too.

He still And so, but what, but I, I'm very similar to Porky Pig because I have these, all these synonyms just stored in my mind. And so before I say the word black, I already, I'm already ready to go to use the word dark if the BL triggers my stutter, right? And so we, as stuttering people, we are wordsmith.

We understand, like we have so many synonyms ready. To use if we get stuck. And so like, I understand the power of words. I more than anybody, I understand how to let a word breathe and how to slow down and give it life. And as a speaker, I've learned that even more about the rhythm of words. And so because of, because me, because I grew up stuttering now as a speaker, like I've had a head start.

On learning that that it's more than words. Words is not just something you read. Words have life. Words have feelings, you know, words have a rhythm to it. And it's all and I understand that now more than ever, because I grew up stuttering. And so stuttering what I thought was, uh, was something wrong with me or some just really just ordinary.

Now I look back, it was, it was extraordinary. Right. It helped me become the person I am. It helped me, you know, be a speaker of inspiration. You know, that to, to inspire people with my words. And so, uh, I'm very thankful for the journey I've been on.

[00:31:24] Maya Chupkov: All right. Well, is there anything else you wanted to say, um, that we didn't cover yet?

[00:31:32] Ty Ellis: Yeah. You know, um, first of all, thank you for inviting me on your platform. Um, I think that one thing to all my fellow, uh, speech impediment stutterers. I don't know the proper term, but we have to establish a growth mindset. You know, this, this, this fixed mindset is holding this, our society hostage, but especially us, you know, we're not different.

We are special, you know, and as my, as my grandmother said, every time you stutter, that's why that's God's way of reminding you of how special you are. And so we have to establish this growth mindset and get rid of this mental strong code of fear of failing. Cause if you have the right mindset, you realize that failure is your frame.

Right. And it breadcrumbs you to success. So that's something that I'm really, um, adamant about. And that gives me this fearless mindset that I can do anything that I want to do. Amazing. And do you have like a trip that like your next, what's your next speaking engagement? Yeah. So, um, I spoke, I was the keynote for the Texas high school coaches association last month.

Uh, and I also spoke in region, region 20 and since on the old Texas region, 20 has around 58 school districts in that region. And since from that particular event, uh, I have, uh, three more events, uh, coming up and I'll be speaking to different school districts and different kids about leadership, growth, mindset, and empowerment.

Uh, so I'm, I'm really excited to have a busy summer. Um, yeah, it's just doors are being opened that. When people ask me, how'd you get into that speaking room or that engagement? I can't give credit to nobody but God, you know? And so I've been diligent and obedient and he can, and he continues to open up the doors for me.

So it's, it's pretty exciting.

[00:33:36] Maya Chupkov: That's awesome. Well, yeah, thank you so much again for coming on and, um, Yeah, I'm excited to, you know, read your book when it's out and good luck on the film. It sounds or the series or the film project. It sounds like you're getting close to getting that off the ground. So good luck.

[00:34:03] Ty Ellis: And I'm excited. Thank you. To so, so, so, so close. Please follow me, uh, uh, on coach Ty Ellis, Twitter and Instagram. Uh, that's coach T Y E L L I S Ellis performance group on Twitter. I'm have this whole new social media team where I'll be putting out, uh, inspirational messages and quotes and all those different things.

And thank you so much again for the opportunity to tell my story. And, uh, I wish you all the best, uh, a longer journey as well.

[00:34:42] Maya Chupkov: And that's it for this episode of proud stutter. This episode of proud stutter was produced and edited by me, Maya Chupkov. Our music was composed by Augusto Denise and our artwork. By Mara Ezekiel and Noah Chupkov, if you have an idea or want to be part of a future episode, visit us at www.proudstutter.com. And if you like the show, you can leave us a review wherever you are listening to this podcast. Want to leave us a voicemail? Check out our show notes for the number to call in. More importantly, tell your friends to listen too. Until we meet again, thanks for listening. Be proud and be you.