Filming A Documentary With A Stutter - A Recap!

Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome back to proud stutter. We have a very, very special episode for you all today. Um, we're kind of going a little off the beaten track on what we normally do. Um, because for this week we have, um, Tessa on who Tessa and I just, um, spent 10 days doing. Together filming in New Jersey for our documentary, and we are going to talk a little bit about our experience and of course stuttering so Tessa, welcome to proud stutter.

Hey, Maya. Yeah, I'm glad to be here. Yeah, it's wild. Like we spent a 10 days together and it feels so weird to like be apart after spending so, so much time like literally 24 sevens. So, um, so yeah, but the best time it was such a grind, but it was, it was so much fun too. And very like, [00:01:00] I like opening for sure.

Yeah, we, like, that was honestly one of the best experiences I've ever had. Just like being able to film and be creative and really just like immerse ourselves in this family's lives and have their trust. And it just felt really good, even though it got really intense at times and. It was emotionally exhausting and physically exhausting.

It was, yeah, it was just such a great. learning experience. Yeah. Yeah. So of course we were there to film, um, on our short documentary and a big theme of the documentary is stuttering. So, um, I don't know about you, but for me, it just felt so cool to be, Surrounded by people who stutter like it was me and [00:02:00] you and Jay and his kids and um, and it's just rare to kind of be because I, I feel like for us, we're, we, we have, we have full time jobs and it's like, our stutters usually something that is just.

You know, we're trying to like navigate, but like on, when we were in New Jersey, it was just like, yes, like we're stuttering and it's great. Cause this is what it's all about. So, yeah, it definitely felt weird to be honest at first. Like I felt great that I didn't have to kind of not like hide it, but it was great that I just kind of felt like, okay, like this is okay, like this isn't.

something that I have to

think about too much, which is what we're like trying to do for like every day. Right. And not always have to like think about [00:03:00] not stuttering or being fluent. So, um, that was great. And it felt, it felt almost uncomfortable at first because it was kind of like, Oh, this is, um, different than what I typically do every day.

But then it got used to it and then it was awesome. And then I could, um, Think about like other things and not my speech and my stutter. So there were so many moments where we had to like, get on a call or like, go to this mall and like, ask for her equipment and like all this stuff, like, like working on a documentary.

It's just like, yeah, nothing ever goes as planned. And like, we had to call like, you know, all these places. So even though like, yes, like most of the time we. We're studying. It was great. Like we did have to kind of step out of that to like order coffee. And like, I had to go, like I said, to a mall and like, I had to go find this hard to drive that we [00:04:00] needed.

And so it was, it was interesting to kind of go back and forth from like, okay, like this project is all about stuttering and it's, I feel like free to stutter here. I feel safe. Um, and then it's like, I have to go. To this place and like talked to someone about like how we need to film in their space. So yeah, and then we'd like record each other.

Yeah, you were like fearless. I feel like just going up to like a store and be like, we have to film here. Like, is that okay? Here's this document to sign. That's like 10 pages. Um, so I feel like that was all for you to, yeah, you had experienced that in me, just like, Filming it sometimes literally. Yeah. So tell us about that.

Talk to us. Yeah, there was so many times when we [00:05:00] were filming and then someone's like, Oh, like, what are you filming? And then we're like, Oh, we're filming blah, blah, blah. And they're just like, Oh, that's so cool. So it really was awesome to kind of get that. Cause it's like, we did have a camera in our hands the whole time.

And it was just nice to be able to have people ask about project and then us being able to like, tell them about it as we're doing it. Um, so that was really fun. And one of a really cool thing that, that happened to was, um, I. As part of the permitting process, which I'm not gonna get too much into detail, but basically, when you go film somewhere, each city kind of has their own process and like own restrictions of like filming.

So in Edgewater, um, The city that we were in one of their requirements for their permit to, to be, to have a permit to film is you have to [00:06:00] send a letter to all the residents in the neighborhood. So we did that and I was like, Hey, like, I'm sending out all these letters. I might as well just put like a little, you know, some of our promo material in there.

And, um, and Instagram message saying like, there's a neighbor that said they got it. And they're like, They're really excited to follow it. And then there was a neighbor that, um, passed by while we were filming saying that they got this letter in the mail. So it was just, that was like. Even though I thought it was kind of annoying that we had to do this extra step, it actually really helped with

promoting the event and getting the neighborhood excited about it. Yeah, and like, everyone was so nice about it. Like, when we told [00:07:00] them about what we're here for, and like, what we're doing, and about stuttering, everyone was like, oh, that's so cool. Like, there was nothing like, Weirdos, which is always my biggest fear is like that's weird or that's something and no everyone was great So yeah, and another cute moment was the kids like I think the kids were like the highlight because Um jay jordan who's like the films focused on um, we Um, his family is very much a part of the film as well, and, um, him and his wife Carmen have two of the cutest kids, um, little Jay and Demacio, who we learned his nickname is Dommie Salami.

Dommie Salami! The cutest! He's the cutest! And they're six and three, and they're just so cute, and both of them have their [00:08:00] little stutters, um, which you'll see in the film, and it was just so cute, like, and it's interesting, because, like, I, I just remember stuttering so much in front of them, and They didn't even think twice about it.

Like I feel like, um, yeah, like it was just a stutter fest almost. Yeah. Yeah. And it was, it was interesting. Cause I feel like for me at first it was, it's stood out and it was like, Oh my gosh, we're like,

we're like stuttering a lot. Like you said, or I said, or he said, or they said, or we all do. And then it kind of like, after the first few days for me, It was just so much of a grind that it didn't even like matter at that point Like we had to get so much done that [00:09:00] I just completely almost like forgot about it and it was just like like we had to get everything Done if that makes sense Yeah It's like you're so in it that you just want to be like in it and not think have to think about stuttering because then they'll just Distract you from like what we need to accomplish and like and you were coming from a Like a full travel work week of like and so that this was like on top of that and so yeah, honestly, like you are such a trooper and Like, I just remember the last day ended up being our longest day.

We were just like, oh my god, like. I was not in a good mood. I was like, in the city, like, stranded. Oh my god, in New York City. My phone wasn't working. Oh my gosh, yeah, and we took the ferry there. And then we were following Jay and then we had to take a cab to go [00:10:00] to Carmen and then we ended up walking part of the way and then at Carmen's office.

We ended up following her through the subway to her event and then from the event That's when things got crazy and we barely We we barely made it out of new york city at that point, but city girls over here. Yeah, it was It was rough, but it's funny that that was like the last day, but I think we got everything that we Needed to get and it was it was interesting because we came in and we had like a whole script and a whole plan You And that it just changes like you're, yeah, nothing really goes as planned, but it worked out fine.

And then another story, there's like all these amazing stories, um, but this one I really want to share is we met with the principal of, um, the two boys and, um, it was a really [00:11:00] good meeting. Um, learned that, um, he has a background in, um, in, Being a teacher to kids with special services and special needs.

And so he really seemed to like, love what we were doing. And he had read about, um, the documentary and proud stutter, and he offered to kind of help us, um, through his wife. Um, but what was really exciting is, um, the following night, the night after we left, we learned that. It was back to school night and Jay texted me saying the superintendent of the school stutters And we were just like wow, like this is just all meant to be Yeah, we're all over the place Yeah, so we're hoping that we can film at the [00:12:00] school at some point down in the future because, you know, while that trip in New Jersey was for the short, we do want to go back again, and we do need to film more for both the short and the feature.

So building relationships is just a big part of the process because getting permission to film in a lot of these places, especially schools, is just very. Um, I think it's just, yeah, it's, it's something that we have to navigate very respectfully. And so we're hoping building a relationship with the school, we'll be able to work something out where we're both comfortable.

Some, some of the big themes that kind of popped up in a lot of our conversations throughout the trip was. Like overcompensation was a big one. And this has come up in a few other episodes [00:13:00] of proud stutter, but I don't think we've ever really talked about it in depth. Um, but one of the things I learned about overcompensation is, um, like.

As a person who stutters, like I remember feeling like, like I needed to prove myself because, you know, there might be times where I stutter and people might think of me a certain way, but if I prove to them that I'm capable and that I can accomplish all these things and that I can do well, like they won't think anything of my stutter.

So I think that was. a big theme that

came up in the film and I think the root of that for [00:14:00] me is like being bullied as a kid. Like I've always felt like I was a target for like my stutter made me a target for bullying and so I, I have like this instinct to like be defensive a lot. And to stick up for myself a lot and to overcompensate a lot.

So not sure what came up for you in that area to Tessa. Yeah. When we talked about that with him, uh, to we, I, I've always felt that. And I've always felt like I overcompensate, um, Because of the stutter, like, it's always, like, as a kid, too, like, I, I felt like I always had to be, like, the best friend, or the best at this, or the best at that, because I had this thing that I was so insecure about, and so self conscious, conscience about, and [00:15:00] just, like, this was something that I had to hide.

Um, even though, like, I couldn't hide it, because it's right there, um, every day. So, um, What came up for me specifically is kind of the strength that came out of that. So like the grit that now I have, I feel like as an adult and as like a person, as a friend, um, I have all of these good things. Things that came out of me feeling insecure about my speech when I was a kid Um, so and it's now it's like a strength, you know, and that's what we talked about a bit, too um uh when we filmed and just how jay is so driven and determined and Wants to be the best the best at everything A Like [00:16:00] pretty much and um, he said that a lot of that comes from from that and so it was just like interesting To see how we all kind of feel like that too.

Yeah, I definitely felt having a stutter Made me weak for a really long time. And I still sometimes feel that way, but less and less. Um, but, but yeah, and what, what I thought was really cool about all that is Jay had never thought about weakness and relationship to stuttering. So that was kind of like something that I thought was really cool that we were able to kind of introduce like a new layer.

To him around his stutter and like, because as, because we can't really work through stuff unless we're aware of it. So who knows, maybe [00:17:00] that, that will, that's just another step in our journey in, in stuttering and learning more about, um, how our stutters impacted us. Yeah. And I was really surprised that he said that he felt like his stutter, it was,

His

biggest like insecurity or or I think it was it was his biggest roadblock, right? His biggest roadblock. Yeah, because I was not expecting that. I thought for sure it would be something else because he has a lot of like, not a lot. I shouldn't say that. But like, he's talked about the blocks and throughout the life.

So I just, uh, that was, That was [00:18:00] surprising to me or not just like that was more like unexpected for sure. Yeah, I definitely was surprised just because after we had gone to know his story more and how he experienced so much hardship through like incarceration, solitary. And homelessness and, um, like, like the impact of having a record and being a black man in America.

I just, yeah, like the fact that he thought stuttering out of all of those was his biggest roadblock is just really shows like how stuttering can really just take over. Mm hmm. Yeah. Every aspect of your life. So, yeah. Heavy stuff. You're like, catching us at like, the time where I feel like it's the most messy.

Like, we have all this footage. [00:19:00] Like, and like, the story is like, Like we, we definitely see the bones of a story, which is amazing, but it's still the messy part. So you're kind of hearing it as we're like, still like navigating a lot of stuff. But one of another big theme. Is just like how hard it is being a parent Like me and tessa just got a front row seat to like how hard it is about that.

Yeah, that was And it was like it was heavy for us because we're both we both we don't have children and we're both kind of going back I don't know like we're both thinking about having kids and At least for me there is A part of me that does want kids. Yeah, it's definitely something that I want, but I don't think it's like something I need at this point.

And so [00:20:00] getting that intimate of a view of parenthood was just, I really feel like it was a gift because like, even for my cousin who has two small boys, like I see them at parties and stuff like that, but you don't really see them, you know, at home and like, just. Every asshole like me and Tessa were there like 10 days like all the time from when they got up in the morning Until they went to bed.

Yeah, so we saw it all and yeah, and I even babysat the kids for one night. Well

Yeah, so So yeah, I I got to know those kids really well, but it's just yeah it really because when you're a parent And I, I'm not a parent, but like, I just can't, I'm trying to put myself in their shoes, like you're just, you really want what's best for your kids. And even like navigating their kids and their stutter kids are [00:21:00] complex.

And I feel like the more, um, awareness there is of different neuro diversities and learning abilities, like there's just a lot that I think a parent A more awareness of that keeps them up at night about their kid. And so, you know, um, so they're going through that, like, should they test that their kids, should they.

Like what needs will they have, like as they're entering school? Yeah. So I, I think they just, they really want to make sure that they're, they're giving their kids the best and that, um, and that, you know, them going to a new school, it's like, they're kind of giving up some of that. Protection to the school.

And so they want to make sure the school's equipped to educate them the way that they need to be educated. And so I think they're going through all that as parents. Well, that and their [00:22:00] own like careers, right. And their own aspiration, their own dreams that they still have. And then it's trying to like, make sure that.

Achieved, but also it doesn't take away from the family and the kids. And I think that's such a tough thing to balance. Yeah. It's like wanting to continue your career. Cause they're both so like they're, they're two amazing, successful people like at the top of their game. And they don't want, they want to continue that while also having a family.

And. So there's that like, give not just the family, but a good, strong, present family. Like, present parents. [00:23:00] Yeah, so that's a little flavor of, of our 10 days, um, and just a little timeline of like what's to come before we head out.

We're hoping, um, to finish production of the short, um, within the next few months. And then we're hoping to, um, finish the film, um, by like, Mid year next year, I would say. Um, and so that's kind of the timeline we're on for the short. And then the feature is more of a longer term project, although we're still fundraising for the feature.

We're trying to take it one thing at a time while also like doing both, but we think the short is going to be a great proof of concept to fundraise for the feature. So that's kind of. Where we're at with the process, [00:24:00] and I wanted to add one more thing, if that's okay. Just about how stuttering is the main part, right?

Of the film, the doc, everything. But it was interesting how it was a part, but it's not the main thing. Like, the life was so much more than the stuttering. stutter, but it was very constant, consistent throughout everything. So I just thought that was really cool and, um, a great thing to, yeah, be a part of our documentary.

I actually loved how, while filming, we made that realization because Yes, we have a stutter, but we're so much more than our stutter. Like I'm still me and like my stutter doesn't make, doesn't define me, but my stutter, how I look at it now is just, it's given me a [00:25:00] lot. And it's given me this film. It's given me, it's given me to, it's given me to Tessa.

It's given me like all these amazing people. It's given me like new friendship in the J and Carmen. Like it's just given me so much. And so, yeah, I'm, I'm excited to be able to share that gift with all of you. Very soon.