Communicating An A Second Language and Stuttering: An Interview with Maya’s Dad

Transcript

Maya Chupkov:

This is an extremely important episode for me because in it, I interview my dad. He is one of my best friends. And he has the best sense of humor. I spent my whole life just laughing out loud always because English isn't his first language. We share in that oftentimes how we want to articulate something doesn't come out exactly how we want it to. For both of us, it takes a little bit longer to communicate. And it's not always the smoothest of conversations. In our interview, we talk about how my dad felt about my stutter and what it was like moving to a country where he didn't speak the language, and what he's learned from listening to all episodes of proud stutter. We also talk about an Israeli reality star who stutters I left the conversation thinking about connecting and expression of feelings there are so many times when I want to express myself in certain situations, and how it comes out of my mouth is not quite what I had in my head to begin with. It makes life tricky, but also very interesting. Here's the interview with my dad, also known as ABA. 

I'm Maya Chupkov. And I'm a woman who stutters Welcome to proud stutter, a show about stuttering and embracing verbal diversity in an effort to change how we talk about it one conversation at a time so my dad was born in Israel and then he moved here and met my mom and they both started a life here in Los Angeles. And so I'm like, can you just a little bit give a background on who you are and what it was like for you living in California? 

Dan Chupkov (Aba):

Okay, I came to California Los Angeles because I have some friends here already. I never said they're going to stay for this long you know, I just thought okay, maybe a few years and you know, maybe make some money and go back to Israel you know, it took me many years just to get comfortable and fair say I didn't speak the language and it was kind of a three years of a cultural shock. And I went to school to learn English and watch TV slowly slowly I got more confidence and it's kind of starting a life on from zero kind of I came here I didn't have anything and slowly slowly I kind of you know like it more and more even though some years I said maybe I should go back you know before I met my wife now it's feel like my own even though I still miss my family in Israel and I go visit them quite often when you first moved to this country how was communicating with not knowing the language that well like 

Maya:

How was your speech in this new environment? 

Aba:

So like I said it was kind of a cultural shock you you're really afraid to go to talk you're going to the restaurant you're going to the bank you're going to like a club or something and you really kind of don't have a confidant just to talk to anybody and because I used to have Israeli friends you know, we spoke a bow between us so I was getting by but just to meet America No. Take a job with no yo is I used to work with ready company so I didn't even need to use the English in the first three or five years there between three to five years but you know, I slowly slowly I got my confidence and I start to work for myself and I deal with customer when now. You know it's different, but it's took time it was a it was for sure. Like slowly slowly

Maya:

Do you think not having English be your second language and not knowing if very well, do you think it that there was a lot of things you felt you couldn't participate in or that you had missed out on? 

Aba:

It's a might be but I think I got kind of friend and you know, I got my confidence with what I'm doing. I started my job and everything and you know, I think I did pretty good so it's kind of good. Have me I didn't, because I have resided friend and support system a little bit here. So it didn't look like it was, you know too much struggle it was kind of after the first few years, it was kind of got easier, and I didn't feel that I am different anymore.

Maya:

So I asked mom this question, but I wanted to ask you. And really because I know mom had, she was very hands on when it came to my stutter and trying to find help for me. But in your perspective, like, when did you first notice that I had a speech difference? And what did you feel about it?

Aba:

I don't remember knowing like knowing too much about it. It's like, I never think it's this thing stopping you for doing anything. I didn't really, we never talked about it. And it looked to me that it's something that, you know, maybe the less you talk, the better it is, and I didn't look to me that it's stopping you for whatever you're doing. So I didn't look at that, like a big issue. And I then started something that gonna stop you from doing what you want. 

Maya:

And as I was going through school, you know, it just didn't seem like it was a big issue like at all even when I was getting older.

Aba:

I never felt that you any different from other kids. And I felt like you did the sport you did the code stood they did everything. And it was never kind of you came to me and told me up I'm struggling because I'm stuttering or anything.

Maya:

So when I started the podcast when I, when it really started to get going and I started to be more open about my stutter. Was there anything about that? That surprised you or anything you've learned about? stuttering? Since I launched the podcast?

Aba:

I think for all your podcast, I learned people everywhere that, you know, struggling with the stutter and different level of it and a lot of interesting story along the way.

Maya:

And is there a moment when you were listening to the podcast where it made me think of a memory that you had with me and my stuttering kind of did show up? Like, is there anything that comes to mind around that?

Aba: 

When I like you, when you do the podcast and your which so many people and people appreciate what you're doing, and you give them the platform to tell the story and you which people live in all over the world. It's I feel proud that you're doing that. And I feel like you found the good, good subject that it's really kind of important to you. And you even you was kind of surprised how much love and support you got from all of that for like, 

Maya:

What advice would you give other parents out there specifically? Like fathers of children who, who stuttered just based on the conversations we've had, and just going through parenthood with someone that has like a difference.

Aba: 

Okay, so I think the most important thing is to be open about it. And to support the kid to let them know that they are not the only one. And what comes to my mind is the story that you took with one teenager that his mother took him to a seminar or something about speech thing. And he said that this thing even though he didn't know what is going on whatever, the mother said, You staying here and he said this thing changed his life. So it's something like you know, if you have an open mind and you meet other people, and you acknowledge it, then you you know, work on it and don't feel a shame. I think if you get the right ELP it's really like from that boy teenager that you put on your podcast, I learned it was a very, very strong subject that really show you that. You know, sometime you feel like the parents do something and you don't think it's gonna help you but sometimes can be the right thing. So Just be open minded and then be open about it. And give give the support that you are not alone. You know, it's not just you, it's other people. So if you meet other people that start there and you talk about it and stuff, I think can make a big difference.

Maya:

You've listened to a lot of proud stutter episodes, I think you've listened to all of them. Is there as someone who doesn't stutter, but with a very close connection with someone that does stutter? Is there a topic that you've been curious about that you haven't heard yet? Or is there something that you'd like us to cover in the future?

Aba:

I think from what what we see like on the news, like people that feel different can act very unproductive, or like people that get bullied or something, because they start there. So I think it's very important to apply to school. For people, kids that started to give them more support, I think one of your episodes talking about a teacher that reached out to kids that start there. And they they, they they tell they started they I did but when he approached them slowly, slowly, more kids came out, and then he found out okay, it's too it's full. And when he gave them the support, they make big difference of their lives. So I think it should be more like opening school and you know, the teacher get more education about that, even if though the teaching regular class, but a couple of students that start there just to know how to approach them, I think that's when we should maybe going to be something that you aim to cover more. So from a young age, even in a middle school or whatever, even in reverse first school, you know, just to be more aware of this.

Maya:

He told me about a story about a reality star in Israel with a stutter recently. Can you talk more about that story with us?

Aba:

Okay, so in Israel, they have the same show, wherever in America like big word. So why well, and even Yeah, so but in the Big Brother it showing the most because in Israel, you have a channel that you see those people 24/7 Like every time you open the TV, you see what happened in Dallas. I mean, it's even more extreme than America. And in the first few years, people, wherever you went, you saw the screen, even people want to walk the screen was opened with the Big Brother show. And it's 24/7 You saw what the doing in there. So it was like first three years. Everybody was tuning in now, after a few years it went down. But so in Israel, they were way it's very similar to but they take people from all walks of life, they take, you know, from all like, kind of Ashkenazi, sporadic even up they put Israeli Arab in there. In one point when my sister aired that my daughter doing the podcast about stuttering, she is exactly that eel or ear before they live on the Big Brother show. They have one guy that was a stutter. And they put him on the show. And he was, you know, the audience loved him. And he went pretty far. People really accepted on the show. And it's open the eyes of everybody about the people that start there, you know, and stuff. So I think it was a good way to show people that even that when people start there, they can also be noble and do whatever they want. I think now even more and more, they put people that suddenly in the movies, I think it's more awareness now than for sure many, like 20 years ago.

Maya

Yeah, I really like that story. And I was trying to find articles of it. In English, but I couldn't find any articles.

Aba:

Yeah. Yeah, I sent you something. And I think you it's a weigh in. When I send you a link. I think you can do translate or something.

Maya:

Yeah, I can translate it but no American news outlet covered it.

Aba:

Yeah, it's not a big enough. It's not big enough to do this. But you don't take in Big Brother show they ever put a paper with disability or something?

Maya:

I can only think of a few examples. One of them is the bachelor there was a contestant Abigail, and she was the first deaf contestant on the show. So I think that did a lot to spread awareness about that particular disability. There's also a few shows on Netflix. One of them is love on the spectrum. So yeah, there there are a few examples and I'm sure there's a ton more but I think yeah, there's still a long way to go when it comes To representation on TV and film,

Aba:

But now you have the platform to give people a way to do it more freely and less afraid, you know, they know that you start there, you give them a place to stock so they come out all of those people that you interview the it's helping you and then something there.

Maya:

Is there anything else you want to that we haven't covered that you think we should end on?

Aba:

No, I just, I just feel like I'm very proud that what you're doing and I feel like the I think I enjoyed watching all your podcasts and I think every time it's become more and more professional like every time I think you learn and apply, keep reaching people one person at a time, and you're gonna reach everybody

Maya:

And that's it for this episode of proud stutter. This episode of proud stutter was produced and edited by me, Maya Chupkov. Our music was composed by a gusto, Denise, and our artwork by Maura zekiel and Noah Chupkov. If you have an idea or want to be part of a future episode, visit us at www dot proud stutter.com. And if you liked the show, you can leave us a review wherever you're listening to this podcast you want to leave us a voicemail, check out our show notes for that the number to call in more importantly, tell your friends to listen to until we meet again. Thanks for listening. Be proud and be you