A Teenager's Journey to Finding Pride In His Stutter

Transcript

Maya Chupkov:

Today’s episode features an organization who you may have heard us talking about on the podcast – The National Stuttering Association. The NSA is  dedicated to bringing hope and empowerment to children and adults who stutter, their families, and professionals, through support, education, advocacy, and research. Their vision is to support people who stutter.

The NSA is excited to announce that tickets to their Annual Conference are now open! The Annual Conference, which will be held this year from June 29th thru July 3rd, is a life-changing event for adults, children, families, and friends who share stuttering as a common bond. It's an incredible opportunity to bring the stuttering community together from all corners of the nation for a weekend of celebration and fun! This year it will take place in sunny Newport Beach, CA.

Attendees at the conference will be able to learn about contemporary issues facing stuttering today in an environment designed to bring comfort, joy and a deeper perspective on our resilient community. You can register for the conference today by checking out the link in the show notes or going to westutter.org.

Hi I’m Maya Chupkov. And I'm a woman who stutters.

Cynthia Chin: 

And I'm Cynthia chin, Maya's longtime friend, and I know nothing about stuttering.

Maya:

And this is proud stutter, a podcast about stuttering and embracing verbal diversity and an effort to change how we talk about it one conversation at a time. Welcome back to proud stutter. We have our youngest guest ever on Proud Stutter today. His name is Eli Taulman and he's 18 years old and a senior in high school in Missouri. Eli has been a lifelong person who stutters and feels that it's more of a gift that occurs and he's going to be attending the University of Central Missouri next fall where he's majoring in anthropology. Eli, it is so wonderful to have a teen on Proud Stutter, welcome.

Eli Taulman:

And thank you my I really appreciate it. This is this is the very first time I've ever been interviewed on a podcast. So for me, it's like it's an honor.

Maya:

Aw, well, we're so happy to be your first and I'm sure you're going to be on many more. So Eli, tell us a little bit about growing up with your stutter and a little bit about your your journey and how you ended up where you are?

Eli:

That is a very good question, Maya. So I was a very late speaker. When I was growing up, I didn't start to speak until I was 3. And it was during the beginning of of the time I started talking that I had a stutter so I really did have it lifetime. My parents didn't really, they didn't really seem to like know that. I had like a speech impediment away until I want to say about 5 years old. And just lowball I was young, I didn't really care that much about it. It was just I just kind of accepted it for like as as a part of myself.

In 2012, we moved to my mom's childhood town in Missouri. And it was around this time where I started to notice my stutter more. It it brought me down a lot. So at about 10 years old, I started going to speech therapy in a nearby town called Clinton. And I, my speech pathologist, she actually didn't have a stutter herself. But she taught me a lot of techniques that I could use if I did start to stutter. I I call this phase of my life the rejection phase. Because I I rejected by stutter a lot. I wanted to be rid of it like like a lot of people have and probably still do.

In 2017, my speech pathologist, she showed me an advertisement for the NSA conference that was going to be down in Dallas, Texas, in 2017. And she really recommended me for me and my family to go. So we me, my younger sister, me, my mom and my dad, we all drove down there and I say that, because that was those, like past for those four days. They absolutely changed my life. The first time I ever heard someone else actually stutter besides myself, was at that conference. I've never heard anyone else stutter before. I knew that they existed. Like I knew other people who stutter existed, but I never heard it for myself.

Maya:  

What was that experience like for you?

Eli:

Like a bomb just blew up in my head.

Cynthia:

Like the emoji?

Eli:

Yes. Like the that's the only way I can describe it fully. Like my, my mind was just absolutely blown. This hear someone else to hear someone else stutter. It was it was such it was such a life changing experience to know that you're not the only one. And currently right now I live in a town of just like, around 3000 people. For as far as I know, I am the only one in that town who actually has a stutter. Yeah, I have been at every conference ever since then.

Cynthia:

Could you tell us about your experience at these conferences?

Eli:

So my very first conference I, at at my age, which was 13, I was I was shy I was I self-isolated myself a lot before I went to conference, and this definitely did like, like those habits did transition over into conference for the first couple of days. I believe it was. Day 3 is when I really started opening up a little bit. So, you know, like, uh, uh, a lot of times at these conferences, these groups of people always go out and do fun stuff, you know, this very first conference, I didn't really do much of that at all, I did the workshops. After that, I just went up to the room and waited for the next workshop. Like the the that was the cycle that I was in for that first conference. Towards the end that I got more social. And I did I did make friends not not a whole lot, but it was definitely it was it was it was a great starting points for the the roller coaster that was about to come into my life.

So then 2018 in Chicago, it was a lot better. I made a lot more friends. I talked to a lot more people, I went to as many workshops as I possibly could.

Cynthia:

What were the workshops like that you went to?

Eli:

The ones that I definitely remember are the ones that taught you that? You it's okay to stutter. You don't have to hide it. You don't have to pretend that it's like it doesn't exist. Like those were the workshops I remembered the most. Were the ones that just taught you. It's okay. Like it's okay to be who you are. There's no shame in it.

Cynthia:

And you remembered those over the ones that taught you techniques to become more fluid.

Eli:

If I'm being honest, I have completely forgotten about all those techniques.

Maya:

I feel the same way, Eli?

Eli:

Yeah, I've completely have completely forgotten about them. I've just I've just learned to accept it for what it is. And to not let that bring me down. And since I'd say since 2017, it's not brought me down one bit, I poke fun of my Sutter just to be humorous. But I would never let my stutter actually bring me down mentally, or physically or anything like that, that phase of my life is over.

Cynthia:

That's amazing. Eli, I am so happy that you've gotten to that place so early on in your life, because we have been talking to a lot of people who are much older than you who really struggled for a long time.

Eli:

For those people who do struggle with their stutter. Still, I really hope they find some peace in their life, because a stutter can really bring you down if you're not careful.

Cynthia:

Definitely.

Maya: 

I'm curious, Eli, when you were at these conferences, early on, when you were around 13. Were you one of the younger attendees? Or how was, were there other kids your age there?

Eli:

That's a good question. For the first couple of conferences, I was 13. But I did go to the the kids workshops, because I mean, I I just I didn't know that the teen one existed. This is the first off I mean, my mom just dropped me and my sister off. And by the way, my sister does not stutter, I’m the only one who does. She just dropped us off at this one conference at this one workshop and just said, Good luck. Just threw us in there.

Maya:

That sounds like my mom.

Eli:

For a couple of kids workshops, I did go to they were fun. But eventually, I did transition into the team workshops, and I enjoyed them a lot more. They felt a lot more personal. They felt more they felt more engaging to me. Because I felt like I was learning a lot.

Maya:

And you recently um took up a leadership position at NSA leading these teen workshops and groups. How has that been? Can you tell us a little bit more about that?

Eli: 

Actually, last year in, I believe, it was Houston that we went to? Yeah, yes, Houston. I actually did lead a workshop like for the very first time I did lead a workshop with my mom. And it was about the growth mindset and how it relates your stutter and how it can affect your stutter. It was it was it was very well received. And I was very happy with it because it was my first time ever, ever doing a workshop, this upcoming conference. I am going to be doing a workshop with another team member.

Maya:

And what's what's the role of the teen advisory council?

Eli:

They do a couple different things. The the one that I know at least there's this Social Media Committee which runs like so like the different social media sites. And then there is the outreach committee that focuses on just reaching more people who have not heard of the NSA. And that is the c-c-committee that I'm part of.

Maya

That's awesome. I really, I think it's great to have such a big teen presence in an organization like the National Stuttering Association, because I feel like from my experience, when I was a teenager growing up and having my stutter, that was one of the more lonelier times in my life. And so I think how you were able to get so much exposure of other people who stutter so young, I'm just I think that's such a great tool that should be implemented in as many places as possible. And I really think that speech therapists should really recommend joining National Stuttering Association groups like yours, because it seems to have benefited you.

Eli

Oh, yeah, I absolutely agree. It's, it's, it did help me It helped me so much, getting through my teenage years. Like these, these people that I've known they they have seen me through my my entire teen years, like I've known them, since I like f-first transition to a teenager. And now that I'm a legal adult, they like they've, they've, they've pretty much helped me get through it. If they weren't, like, if I didn't have the NSA, I I don't think I'd be the person that I am today without the NSA. Like they've like they've they've made me who I am today,

Cynthia

I think you seem like the kind of person to me who would have thrived no matter what. But I I'm very impressed by you just talking to and seeing how much you've accomplished at such a young age and, and how much work you put into the NSA already as an 18 year old. And I wanted to ask you, if you have any advice for other teens who are maybe going through the same thing as you are and you know, maybe not quite where you are yet, but are going through the struggles of being in school and having a stutter. And you know, being chosen to talk in class, you know, giving presentations? What advice do you have for them to manage their anxieties and to, to manage their stress?

Eli

I I I have a couple different things that I that I live on. But I think I think the one thing that I would definitely tell teens is d-do not be afraid of your stutter like own own own that stutter, l-l-let that be a part of you. And it doesn't, you you need to influence your center, your center doesn't need to influence you. Like if you go, like for example, like speeches like public speaking, if you if a person who stutters can get up to the front of the class and say what they have to say, with no fear. That is just that's just such tremendous work. B-because also people who don't have a stutter. Very likely, they're likely twice as afraid to get up to the front of the class like I if you just if you just be who you are. I don't think you'll have a lot of problems and I think you'll find a lot of success in life.

Maya:

Is there a question around your stutter that you wish people asked you more?

Eli:

Yeah, there is. All I would want them to really ask is what is a stutter? Just so I can educate them on what a stutter is? Because not everybody knows what what a stutter is. There's some people who just I've never known it existed, you know, because they've never been around someone who has stuttered. Like I think if you explain, explain a concept to someone that they'll like they'll accept that better. And I think a stutter is no exception to that.

Cynthia:

Have you encountered situations where you're stuttering and people just kind of seem confused, like they don't know what's going on?

Eli:

Oh, yeah. So I've had plenty, plenty of those situations my life like some look like some just asked what it was some, like some hope to find out. But I mean, I can't really blame them like that. They don't know what it is like. I can't I can't judge them for that because, by law agreement, they've Not ever heard a stutter in her life? Um, some, some have given me weird looks, but that's just, that's common. Um, I think other than those three, those three reactions aside the fourth one where they just don't really react, they just don't react. Uh, they don't react to it. They just kind of wait for me to finish. Uh, other than those four types of reactions, I think, I think that's about all I've experienced.

Cynthia:

Yeah, I'm sure a lot of people who are listening can relate to that.

Maya:

So Eli, you are going to college next year? What what do you envision for your c-college experience? Like, are you gonna bring stuttering with you? Or like how -- I'm just, I'm just curious, like, what is your vision for yourself as you enter this next step in life?

Eli:

I don't tend to leave my stutter behind at all. I plan to take it with me like I'm packing my luggage. Like, I'm just stuffing it in there. But yeah, I don't plan on leaving behind. I plan on educating as many people as possible about stuttering. Because I know for a fact there is a lot of people that have not heard of it. And I think that's just something interesting to know. Like, not everyone talks the same. Like, it's like some people have trouble speaking. I think that's a really, that's a really good thing to bring to such a big place, like a campus where there's so many people like so many different kinds of people. When when you do talk about, okay, um, I don't think of, I don't think of a center as a disability. But for the sake of this, I am going to call it a disability. When you do talk about disabilities with each other, like, each each persons disabilities, if you consider them a disability, I feel like you connect better, because you can relate to that other person that they're not as they're not as unknown to you, as they may have been, like the beginning. So I think I think stuttering is a really great way to bring people together.

Cynthia:

Yeah, absolutely. And I think we've definitely seen that on this podcast. Just the, the ability that this has to create a community of people who stutter. And I wanted to ask one last question to you, Eli, it's not stuttering related, but because I know that you've been homeschooled for a long time. What are you most excited about for going to college?

Eli:

Oh, man, I don't know. There are so many things, if I'm being honest, but I think I think the one thing that I'm excited about is having the ability to talk to turn over a new leaf. Because here in high school, I am in a very small high school, like my senior class is only like 51 people. It's that small. In the high school like that, you're not really given a lot of opportunities. And in college, that is the exact opposite. Like there are so many things that you can do in college. And I'm, I'm ready for a fresh start. Because if I'm being honest, I've, I've struggled a lot, socially and mentally. Throughout high school, it's been a very, it's very, it's very, very tough. A very tough journey for me. And I'm just, I'm, I'm ready for college, because in a way it feels like a land of opportunity, as in Europeans, sailing all the way to America. That's what it feels like. To me. It feels like just a whole new, a whole new land of opportunity for you, if you're willing to put the time and the effort into it. And I am definitely willing to do both. Like, full time non stop like I'm, I'm I'm ready to do this. Woo!

Cynthia:

Oh, we believe you Eli.

Maya: 

Eli, thank you so much for chatting with us. It's been a pleasure. You bring such great energy into the world and I just can't wait to see you continue to excel in college and beyond. So thank you so much for being part of proud stutter and for hanging out with us.

Eli:

It was my pleasure. Like ever really, really was. And oh, I would do this again, anytime.

Cynthia:

We really enjoyed having you. You're such an inspiration. I really think you were on edge. A lot of young people listen to this episode because I think, you know, just the way that you talk about your stutter. It's very inspiring, and I hope that other people can absorb that goodness. Yeah.

Eli:

Yeah, I really hope they do it. I hope to bring a lot of joy to people. That's that's just been a life goal of mine.

Maya:

And that's it for this episode. I'm Maya. And I'm Cynthia, and you've been listening to proud stutter. This episode of proud stutter was produced by me Maya Chupkov.

Cynthia: 

and edited by me, Cynthia chin. Our music was composed by Augusta Denise and our artwork by Mara zekiel, and Noah to call if you have an idea or want to be part of future episodes, find us on Twitter at proud stutter. You can also find us at www dot proud stutter.com drop us a note or share a voice memo. What's your stuttering story? What topics would you like us to cover? And what are you curious about?

Maya: 

And if you liked the show, you can leave us a review wherever you are listening to this podcast.

 Cynthia:

More importantly, tell your friends to listen to

Maya:

Until we meet again. Thanks for listening. Be proud and be you