Stuttering Subreddit: Building Community Online

Transcript

Cynthia:

Wait, the person's name is my like milk pizza. Oh no. Oh, um, I Oh yeah, it's um I like pizza.

Maya:

Oh, oh I totally got that wrong. Okay, so um I like pizza.

Cynthia:

People's Reddit names are so funny.

Maya:

I might you cop and I'm a woman who stutters.

Cynthia :

I'm Cynthia and I know nothing about stuttering.

Maya:

And this is proud stutter, a podcast about changing the conversation about stuttering and embracing verbal diversity in an effort to change how we talk about it. one conversation at a time.

Cynthia:

I'm really excited about our episode today because we are looking at the stutter subreddit. And I personally don't know Reddit very well. So I'm looking forward to looking through it and seeing what the Reddit culture is like because I was talking to a friend that this weekend and apparently there's like a whole culture within Reddit.

Maya:

I'm the same way I have never really been on Reddit too much. So this is my first deep dive into Reddit as well. Yeah,

Cynthia:

I'm really hoping I don't get addicted. There's a subreddit for every community. So I mean, I bet there's even a subreddit. That's like a sub of stutter. I don't know how you would say it. A sub subreddit. I have no idea. So today we're going to take a look at some of the posts in the stutter subreddit.

Maya:

Whoo. I'm so excited for this.

Cynthia:

And we'll try to share as many interesting comments as we can. But again, I-I was told that there is like specific Reddit humor as well. So hopefully we get the comments that are actually being posted, but I do I do think that Reddit is really, really just awesome because it's anonymous. And so I feel like Reddit is where you find the most honest opinions that people have because people post the weirdest things on Reddit. Maybe we'll see some of that today. The first post that we're going to talk about it's titled share your funnier side of stuttering and it's from user broken freezer. And they say, I used to have a phase when I was really enjoying a latte with coconut milk and was getting one daily. I didn't know why but sometimes it wouldn't be warm enough, but back then I didn't have enough confidence to go back and complain. The one time I asked again for a co-coconut latte and the barista advised me that it won't be very nice if they make a cold for me. Then it hit me the whole time I was asking for a coco-coconut latte mixed with my accent they thought I wanted a cold coconut latte.

Maya:

Oh my gosh, this has happened to me so many times at Starbucks where it when I stumble on my words they think it's like a different drink. Or let's say they ask f-for your name. And I can't get my name out. I'm like my M-Maya and then they can totally don't get my name right so I can totally relate to this.

Cynthia:

Have you ever gotten on your Starbucks drinks? M-Maya?

Maya:

No, but I've gotten like really random like I got Emily ones. That's disappointing. A lot. Of II words like Emma and especially now with masks, it's even worse because they can't read my lips. There's this other one from my stuttering life and he or she or they said there was a period in my life where I chose not to speak due to my stutter and I use p-post-its to communicate. I went to the bank one day to cash a check. And I wrote on a post it that I lost my voice and I wanted to cash a check. Well when I handed the post-it note to the bank teller. She pushed the silent alarm button. There were two security guards behind me and the local police were on Route. I was whisked away to the bank manager's office and explain why I did that. Mind you, the bank teller never opened the note she just assumed I was there to rob the bank. Wow,

Cynthia:

Jesus. Yeah, I feel like you can get into a lot of communication issues when you have a stutter like in in very specific contexts like this.

Maya:

Yeah. And at the time, it's probably not. Not funny. But looking back like there's one story I heard from a friend of mine who stutters she said someone called the ambulance on her because they thought she was having a seizure because she kept stuttering and couldn't get her words out. So I mean, that's not really funny, but it just goes to show like how extreme these situations can get when people don't understand stuttering.

Cynthia:

There's so many comments on this thread commenting and, you know, expressing similar situations that other people have been in. It's really cool actually to go through this. It's nice that that people are expressing stories like this, but that that make each other laugh even though it's it's all in relation to this thing that has caused them probably a lot of shame and anxiety.

Maya:

The next one we're going to look at is around parenting. This one is from Prince Rick and the title is becoming a father soon and I'm terrorized and it reads that my kid will inherit my stutter. Realistically speaking, what might be the chances my kid will not inherit this speech impairment. Is it something that will happen almost certainly? I haven't really thought of this too deeply just because I'm still not sure about whether or not I'm going to have children. But I do know that when I talk to parents about this topic, and I talked to parents that stutter, this was one of their concerns with having children because there are studies that show that it is genetic.

Cynthia:

Yeah, I'm I'm looking at the comments right now. And it's it's a very mixed bag. Some people say that, you know it they know someone who inherited it or they inherited it. And then there are a bunch of people who said that they didn't. The one thing that jumped out at me is that for a lot of people who have children that stutter, a lot of the conversation is around "Oh, don't worry about it because we know how to fix it. And all we have to do is stop it at the beginning." What do you think about that, Maya?

Maya:

I think a lot of th-the time it's either they're going to stop or they're not. And yeah, maybe it does work for some kids. But I just knowing what I went through of having that pressure to be fluent at a young age. I wouldn't want my kid to go through that. I would instead want them to be accepting and to surround them with other kids who also stuttered so they know that it's not something that they have to fix. And I've seen the power of kids accepting their stutter at a young age. I was watching a video of a keynote from the National Stuttering Association and part of it was showing the students and the kids she worked with and how they spoke about their stutter in such a positive way. And these were young kids, and they were just so powerful and accepting of who they were. And that is how I'd want to be a parent if I ever had a child who stuttered.

Cynthia:

Yeah, I think it's definitely an interesting conversation to have because I totally understand the parent for wanting them to help them not have a stutter, because that'll help them go through life easier. But I think the negative effects of that is very real, right, like you just talked about. So it's like, how do you balance making sure that they feel proud of who they are, while also helping through something that might make their life a little bit more difficult? And I think it's very difficult to strike that balance. But I think there's definitely value to speech therapy and I know that it's helped a lot of people that I know personally.

Maya:

There are a lot of speech therapists out there that have that balanced approach where they want to help kids with their speech, but in a way that is still authentic to them. And it puts less pressure on fluency, but it's still a form of speech therapy.

Cynthia:

That's great that there's still so much innovation in that field. So I think that was a good segue for this next post by Carolyn Rose 93. And it's called picking out names for my future kids based on what letters or sounds give me the least trouble. She says it hurts me to know that there are some names I will never be able to use just because I'm afraid I won't be able to say them. It's not like his are going to happen anytime in the next few years, but it's still nice to think of names. I had a dream a few weeks ago that I had a girl and named her Linora And when I woke up I told my boyfriend about it. He said it was a pretty name. But words that start with L are some of the hardest for me to say. And it's not even all the time. Some days are better than others, but I'm absolutely terrified of choosing a name that I'll end up not being able to say. One thing that I've already noticed in this post and the last post is the words that they use for fear. It's a very intense fear. The first person said terrorized, and this person said petrified, that's just mind blowing to me that that fear runs so deep.

Maya:

When I read this, it makes sense but with my stutter I don't tend to analyze my stutter very closely. And after reading through some of these comments, it made me realize that people are so hyper aware of their stutter, which I totally understand. I'm not as in tune with my stuttering as others might be. Sometimes I just stumble upon a word and then I switch it last second. So I think other people might have stuttered like certain words that th-they tended to s-stutter over. But for me, th-that might be the case, but I'm just not as aware of it as others.

Cynthia:

Yeah, I think that has something to do with your acceptance of your stutter and the competence but you have to talk through your stutter. And actually seems like a lot of the people in the comments are sort of trying to empower the person who posted to not let their stutter take over their life. And someone says that, you know, it's also picking the name that you want for your child will help you improve fluency at the end. But there's also a couple people who are like, yeah, I totally agree. I can't do anything with G's or B's which is you know, that's that's a huge decision for a lot of people choosing a baby name, and having that fear of stuttering through your child's name, dictate what their name should be. That really sucks to have something like that influence your decision making.

Maya:

Yeah, it makes me realize how different everyone's stuttering is and how different people approach their stutter. Through reading these posts, I kind of see a glimpse of how other people experience their stutter too and I think it's really important to, you know, characterize th-the different experiences because we all have different forms of stuttering. And we all approach it d-differently d-depending on how we're raised or you know, where we live and things like that. So this next post is by ummmilkpizza. And they write how is stuttering so common? Yeah, I've never met another person in real life with a stutter?

Cynthia:

Yeah, just scrolling through the comments. Pretty much every single one is saying a lot of people you don't know that they have a stutter until they tell you or a lot of them are covert. I mean, I think as we've talked about with you, Maya, I didn't know that you had a stutter until you told me as well.

Maya:

Yeah, and a lot of comments are exactly that. There's one that reads people hide it. A lot of p-people I've known for years have said that they didn't realize I had a stutter. They use techniques, tricks, and avoidances. So you may not hear people stuttering, but you can see the people using tricks. I can relate because sometimes I interact with a a person who stutters that has a similar stutter like me where it's more covert. And usually I can tell by some of the facial expressions or avoidance techniques that I use that they're trying to hide their stutter as well.

Cynthia:

Yeah, that's that's a really interesting distinction. Because, for example, if you had a blocking kind of stutter, you could just pretend that you were thinking before you started speaking, right? Like you don't have to let them see that you're struggling to get words out.

Maya:

Exactly.

Cynthia:

Could you give us another example of ways that stuttering is more internal for you?

Maya:

Another example just happened to me last week when it was my first week on my new job, and I had been talking to coworkers and this was after I disclosed to them that I had a stutter. And I caught myself stuttering as I was having a meeting with a few of them, and I still caught myself judging myself and being so annoyed with myself that I was stuttering, even though I disclosed it with them, and they didn't seem bothered by it at all. And they probably didn't even notice because they, you know, it's not something that you always notice. But for me, even though I am more accepting of my stutter, I still catch myself judging myself and being hard on myself for stuttering, even though I'm not trying to hide it because I've already told people about it, but it's still this internal, emotional shame that I still have with my stutter.

Cynthia:

Speaking of covert, stutters there's a post that's titled How are you adapting to this new normal of zoom Skype or teams, and it was posted by my stuttering life. The post is a picture of a laptop with a bunch of posted that says, shine bright have fun you got this just breathe, which is really really cute. I know my you've had a year and a half or however long it's been in this pandemic. How's it been for you in this new zoom? Work life with a stutter?

Maya:

I love it because I use the chat f-function all the time. And when I don't feel like saying something out loud, or if I'm having a particular rough patch of stuttering, and I don't really f-feel like talking as much, I always use the chat function and that served me really well during zoom. And I can also relate to this comment on the thread, where they say my stutter has all but disappeared at work since I can use headphones that play loud music which stops the stutter. I'm nervous when we go back into the office, they're gonna be like, WTF Can't you speak? So not so much the last sentence but playing certain music really calms me down and makes me less puts less pressure on myself to be fluent when I have some good music to keep me company.

Cynthia:

So you'll play it in the background as you're talking and then the other person can't hear it?

Maya:

Yeah, or you know, let's say I have a meeting and I kind of want to have a pump up song so I play that pump up jam and then I go into my meeting feeling super like in tune in rhythm because some songs I have a really nice rhythm it really helps me kind of sync my stuttering with a certain rhythm.

Cynthia:

And you you do this specifically so that you don't stutter?

Maya:

Sometimes when I am low energy, I tend to stutter more and I think it's because I think it's because when I'm really high energy and my brain is more focused, that's when my hiding my stutter kicks in. Right and I like can be super sharp and really watch out when a stutter comes but when I'm less energy and when I don't have when I didn't have enough sleep the night before. That's when I really tried to pump myself up by putting on certain music or doing jumping jacks or something to get my energy up. And if I did that in the office people would think I was nuts.

Cynthia:

Wow. When did you discover that it was your energy level that really affected your stutter?

Maya:

I think in college because I would pull all nighters and study late intt-o the night as one does as a college student. And I realized that my stuttering was worse when I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before. Or even if there was a few nights in a row where I didn't get sleep. And even when I'm hungover I tend to stutter more and I think it's because my brain just isn't on high alert as it normally is. And I can't hide my stutters easily so it kind of makes sense that when you're hungover or when you don't get enough sleep, it kind of messes with your head a little bit.

Cynthia:

I mean, that makes sense. Because you know, when you're not on high alert, it's you tend to mess up most things, not just your speech, which leads me to this next post that I think is really interesting, and it's called stuttering on insults by Tomarius v. And he says I don't know if it's just me, but when I insult someone or just swearing, I don't stutter. Someone else like this? I think that's really funny because like, whenever I'm trying to, to insult someone or to come back at someone I you know, I'm in a place of really high energy and I'm trying to like to impress and I'm trying to do something really cool and display my confidence. And I feel like that is when I do some form of stutter. You know, I'm not a person who stutters. But I think in those moments, those are the moments where I tripped over my own words when I'm trying to insult someone.

Maya:

I'm the same way because I thought it was an outlier because I was reading through these comments and a lot of people said, Oh, I'm the same way when I'm really angry. That's when I'm the most clear and the most fluent because my passion just comes out and it's it's really clear, but for me, I stutter even more when my heart rate is up, and I'm really mad at someone if I'm trying to cuss someone out. And so that's why I have never really.

Cynthia:

Cuss someone out. I haven't heard that phrase in a really long time

Maya:

That's why I'm I was so bad at insults back in the day because I always was afraid to really do an insult out loud in front of a crowd because I was afraid I would stutter and it would wouldn't la-land right?

Cynthia:

Yeah, I think I mean, I don't want to speak for the rest of the world. But it seems like generally, I think for people who don't stutter, those moments of passion are when we don't speak fluently, personally is what I've seen, but it's interesting that this person says that's when they they don't stutter and speak the most clearly. And a lot of people seem to agree. So I feel like that's kind of an interesting um an interesting quirk of seemingly a lot of people who stutter.

Maya:

So this last one is probably my favorite one that we've looked at in the sub Reddit for stuttering, and it's by GrizKariz. Another great username. And the title of this one is hearing oneself back on recorded media.

Cynthia:

I feel like we can all relate to this one. I don't know one person who's like I love to hear my voice.

Maya:

And they say "do you all ever think that you're speaking fine? Well, not exactly fluently, but not stuttering like a person about to be murdered. But hear yourself on playback but are stuttering like crazy. Whenever I experienced this, I lose all confidence and self esteem because it shows that I don't even know what I'm doing. But at the same time heartened that people around me don't seem to care and carry on as though it's normal. I experienced this today and it makes me want to work harder on my f-fluency got to look at the positives."

Cynthia:

When I shouldn't do the initial drafts of the podcast. How does it feel to hear yourself stutter?

Maya:

The first time was so hard I barely could get through the first recording. But as I was listening to the different drafts and as we keep recording and as we, you know, keep doing our thing, Cynthia, I feel more and more comfortable hearing my own voice. And it's actually been very helpful because I'm able to be more comfortable in my own skin because there's nothing, like so many people can relate, I bet that they do not like hearing themselves whether it's on a video or whether it's a recorded phone call or anything recorded just hearing the sound of your own voice I I definitely am not a fan but now that we've done this podcast and I've had to listen to all the drafts, I feel so much more comfortable hearing myself talk and it's really helped with my public speaking and just being more aware of how I talk.

Cynthia:

But how about your stutter?

Maya:

So hearing my stutter I am totally okay with it. Because I know that's the whole point of this podcast.

Cynthia:

Yeah, I think everyone has has trouble hearing their own voice and kind of the, the intricacies of someone's voice. So there's that vocal fry that I sometimes have where it kind of incorporates itself into something like a stutter like Yeah, and you know, you know, that kind of thing that really bothers me. So I think it's, I think we all have unique voices and it's just really difficult to love your own voice. Because I've definitely had people and I've listened to them and I you know, I said, Oh, I really love your voice. But I think it's it's very difficult, if not impossible to love your own speaking voice. There's something in our brains that won't allow us to do it.

Maya:

Yeah. And what I've also noticed about other people who stutter and myself through listening to the podcast and all the drafts is filler words are very common because they do serve a purpose in trying to hide a stutter. So that's something I've noticed in my speech that I'm trying to be more cognizant of, while also accepting that it's just part of me, but I think it also is, it's always good to work on your speech, but in a way that is not so negative and not putting so much pressure o-on yourself to be fluent. So I think balancing, wanting to speak a certain way and with con-nfidence versus not trying to hide my stutter so much is something that I wrestle with every single day.

Cynthia:

Yeah and I think using filler words is definitely something that a lot of people can relate to, like arms and likes. I remember when I was a kid, my aunt would pinch me every time I said, um, and that definitely beat it out of me, or I guess pinched it out of me. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was I mean, it was helpful, but it's like, I'm glad that I didn't have any shame over it. You know, it was I think it was short enough where I was like, Oh, yep, using these filler words is a no, no, I better stop. But, you know, imagine if I wasn't able to control it. As well as I as well as I did. You know, I think there would be a lot of shame attached to that. Moral of the story is that we all hate our own voices. But if you're not doing a podcast, then you don't have to listen to your voice over and over and over again.